I hate people. I know that's probably not the best thing to say, since people are the only creatures I know who can read. But the minute I narrow my hatred to "people I know," some moron I don't know is going to piss me off. So I just hate people. And I'm people too. I know. I'm included. I'm no better than anyone else, and I probably irritate myself most of all.

The whole work thing hit an all-time low yesterday. It was all I could do not to cry during my last two hours of work yesterday. I got all teary-eyed a couple times, but I was able to "do computer work" until I could compose myself again. I left work, saying goodbye to as few as possible. I sat in the first seat in the shuttle, so I could stare straight ahead and avoid as few eyes as possible. I climbed the stairs of the parking garage, waiting to start crying when I got in the car. I reached my car (only 4 levels up that day), got in, and sat there feeling numb. Good... I can drive home.

About halfway home, I started losing it, cried all the way home. I thought I'd get it out by the time I got there, but I walked in the door where John greeted me. He "works" from home Wednesday, and a lot of the time, doesn't even look my way when I get home. Not so this day. He turns and looks at me and asks how I am. I try to face away from him the whole time, unable to speak for fear I'll blubber, so I wave backward and head into the bedroom. He follows me and hugs me while I sob stupidly for a while.

I didn't want to talk, even though he asked a couple times. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore. Usually, all I want to do is talk, but seeing as that's gotten me nowhere, I'm done.

I'm still not read to quit my job or even look for something else, but I think I need to quit caring so much. I feel overly responsible for tasks at which I'm completely underappreciated by most. I have to seperate my emotions and pride from this stupid job and just do what I need to do. Put in the time, complete things as they are laid out in front of me, keep it all cut and dry. I'm better than my job, but there's nothing I can do about that for now.

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One Year Ago Today:
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