December Rain

It's raining again. Last night while coming out of the grocery store, I saw the occasional tiny snowflake drift down and melt immediately upon touching anything. But it's warm enough today that everything coming down is in liquid form. The sky won't quite lighten, and the water runs down the street in small streams that Booie and I stomped in on her way to school this morning.

I always loved the rain when I was a kid. It never seemed to happen often enough for me. I rarely got to go to school under an umbrella, watching the drops roll off the top and down the dome of clear plastic that protected me. I particularly love thunderstorms and never understood why people were so nervous when the sky lit and crackled and the wind rushed through the trees in gusts that made their branches dance. Later I learned why to fear such skies in the state of Nebraska, especially in summer. But before I had children of my own and still had bigger fears of what lived under the bed than what came out of the sky, I thought cowering in the basement for a tornado warning was grand fun. Part of me still does.

Now I struggle with a love-hate relationship with rainy days. I still love walking under an umbrella, listening to the drops patter down. But now, the best rains happen when the clouds are breaking, and the sun peeks through the darkened clouds, because the gloom of a typical rainy day weighs on my heart, especially in wintertime. Every day without sun adds to the bank of depression, and the shortened days of winter make it an even greater weight on my happiness. I try to concentrate on the soothing din of the raindrops hitting the roof and porch awning, drink hot tea and get out with an umbrella as much as I can, focusing on the things I like about a rainy day rather than the sadness building up inside me.

It would be so easy to crawl under the soft, warm blankets of my bed with a book and a cup of tea, sleeping when it crept over me and reading when it didn't. I have three books from the library to read, two of which I haven't even cracked after a full week. The thought is tempting and comfortable, but there's so much to do and dental appointments for the kids at noon that require me to go out and be somewhat presentable. The dentist's office might not be so understanding if I show up in my sparkly cloud and moon pajama pants and pink, fuzzy slippers. Or maybe they would, because they all wanted the same thing but opted to be presentable. I don't feel that brave today, and I don't want my slippers to get wet and mucky either.

I'll settle for wearing a big sweatshirt, drinking hot tea and having a grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. I wish I could be sitting in front of a crackling fire too, but that won't happen unless we get an addition on the house, so I can have a fireplace installed. Maybe one day. I'll make the best with what I have for now, and what I have is an unusually warm winter so far that is bringing rain instead of snow but also gloriously warm, sunny days. I don't miss winter cold and snow, even though it's Christmastime. I know it will be here soon enough, and I'll make the best of that too, but until then, I'll enjoy not freezing, green grass and yes, even rain.