Sickly Rambling

This is what I've done today. It was something I wanted to get done, and its completion means I won't have to run out and buy Booie's teacher a gift. It's a very good thing to be done. The problem is that it's all I've done.

That is a fair representation of the wreaths I've been doing. It's done with ornaments shaped like bulbs, unlike the regular ornaments I was using for the others. I wish I could take a digital picture of those, but I still haven't packed my camera to send in for repair. Who knows when I might get that done?

I just don't feel well at all, so I'll take the accomplishments I can get, but this does cause me some worry. I won't lie and say "I'm fine with it," and talk about how there's plenty of time left to do these things, blah, blah, blah. The way things are going, this weekend is getting more and more full of things to do.

I just realized the garbage hasn't been picked up yet. I could grab that big box of junk John forgot to take out (this makes the third week). Or I could sit here and finish writing an entry, which is sure to bring the garbage truck right down my road.

I can't wait until the kids are on winter break. Getting up in the morning has been a grueling affair for Booie and myself. I doubt it will be better come January, but at least I won't have a break dangling in front of my nose.

You know my tree still isn't decorated? Nope, it's not. I planned to do it last weekend, but I spent so much energy shopping that I couldn't drag myself downstairs to bring the box of ornaments up. Then there was Monday, and I don't even know why it didn't happen that day, but it was supposed to. Yesterday was counseling day, so that wasn't good. Today John is going to a Penguins game, and this is a whole family event, so today isn't good. I'm looking at tomorrow. If I manage to dig the ornaments out tonight, that will make it much more likely.

Even the classical channel on my satellite radio is playing Christmas music. Is there no escape?

John and I are going out all by ourselves on Friday, and it's not a band gig. I don't remember the last time we went out together. This is supposed to be a monthly thing. See how well that's happened? We thought we'd go see The Lord of the Rings first movie that's out, because we both love the books. Maybe do that and have dinner somewhere. I was really looking forward to it.

Then he calls me this morning and says his mom asked him and his brother to go and would I mind going with them too, because she really wants to see it with them. So now he and I are going to dinner and then we're meeting with his mom and his brother to see the movie. It's no longer a date night to me, but I don't think he sees it that way.

Any other time, I would be more than happy to go with other people, but this was supposed to be our night. But I feel guilty telling him I still want us to go alone, plus there's family politics and possibly making his mom feel bad. Sure, it's speculation. Sure, I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. Even so, it's a no-win situation for me. I feel like the uninvited guest going with mom and the boys, or I feel like Queen Bitch Royale if I ask we go as a couple. Why must I worry about everyone else so much?

Aw man, his mom just called me and said she pre-purchased front row tickets in the really nice reserved balcony section of the theater. Now I feel like a total schmuck. I'm glad I chose to go as a group. I just have to see if I can find someone to buy the tickets I already got for the 9:00 show. They're non-refundable, so I either sell them to someone else, give them away or absorb the cost.

I just heard hydraulic brakes. Do you think that box is on the curb? No, it's not.

Nothing really good happened in counseling, so I don't have subject matter there. I went alone again, and as usual, John and I ended up getting into a big discussion afterward. He went alone at a later time, so we both went yesterday, just not together. I'm not going back until the 15th of January when we're going to work on my snake phobia. He's going back before then. We're doing the individual thing for a while, since the couple thing seems to be at a standstill right now. That's kind of a good thing, because we haven't been fighting, but it's kind of a bad thing, because we aren't making any progress anymore. It appears we need to work on ourselves before we can move forward as a couple.

This rambling thing really turned into a long, stupid entry. At least it took care of my entry for the day. This month is all about quantity, not quality� for me anyway.