I finished a mix CD for John. Surprisingly, it's the first I ever did for him. I always hated that this musician of mine never felt inspired to make mixes for me but put tons together for the band. I don't inspire him to write music either, not even angry music. Nothing. There is only one song he's even said makes him think of me, and while it's a great song (Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton), it's one song in thirteen years.
Maybe I should be happy. It could be that mostly less-than-desirable songs make him think of me.
I'm nervous about giving him this CD. It's not exactly happy, but it's not hateful at all either. What most worries me is him not responding at all.
11:03 p.m. - My Impeccable Timing
Of course, John came home as I wrote, so now there's no point in explaining all that except to say he responded a bit better than I feared. He didn't listen to my CD, which kind of hurt my feelings, but he did read everything. If he doesn't listen to it tomorrow, I will be really hurt. He's home, and I'm working, so there's no excuse.
Tomorrow is work day six of seven, so I'm almost in the clear. If only finances were too. I should work more, but I just don't want to keep doing that with my life. I suppose I should move along on something else though. That means getting my butt in school.
I was feeling very hog-ly today as I have the past couple weeks. I've been tired, irritated, stressed, and achy. So I've been eating. Except now there's nothing in the house, which is good. It's hard to eat what isn't there. I took care of everything that was here and even brought chocolate chip cookies home on Tuesday, ate six that day along with some of the Chex Mix I also bought and two raw cookies. Because if I get chocolate chip cookies, they are almost always the refrigerated break-apart kind. I did some major grazing on whatever I found up until that point too. I probably had three glasses of milk with all those cookies. Then there was dinner, which was the best thing I did all day--Subway. Too bad it was at the end of such a hoggish day. And it failed to stop me from eating four more cookies and two glasses of milk the next day. I've been failing to drink water as well, but my redemption is not eating in the evening.
In the exercise arena, I've been slogging along this week. I shuffled the Tae-Bo I was supposed todo yesterday to Saturday, and I subbed extra treadmill for Tae-Bo today. I wanted to run Tuesday, even though it was a scheduled day off. If I'm going to run the Race for the Cure, I have to do more running each week, but this obviously wasn't the week. I was busy eating cookies and moaning about the rotten cramps I've had this month. At least I followed the program this week. No skipped days like last week.
I hope the stupid scale shows this effort. When I snuck on today, I'd gained back that same stinking pound and a half that's plagued me the past five weeks. You'd think that would keep me from cookies, but my faulty thought process has been running on all cylinders. I have to be good now, so at least I don't gain this week. And I'd really love to break 205. If I'm going to get past 200 by my birthday, I really need to do that.
Better get to sleep and have another crappy night's rest. I need all I can get though. Stupid work.
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One Year Ago Today:
