Black or White

Travel lag got me a day late. Maybe it expected me to take two days to make the trip. I don't know. What I do know is I couldn't get enough sleep, and a headache has been threatening all day. I haven't worked out because of feeling so crappy, but I'm not skipping. I skipped too many days already, so even if it's inviting the headache to come live in my cranium, so be it. And here I thought I got away with driving almost 1000 miles in one day without physical effects. Silly me.

I had to go shopping today. Booie's birthday is tomorrow, and since Wells Fargo was so nice to relieve us of an extra $700 last paycheck, I couldn't do any early shopping. Today was really the only day John and I could go, so we dropped the Boo off at his mom's house, and we shopped. Luckily, Booie is very easy to supply with gifts, so the shopping didn't take long. The longest part was deciding between things and narrowing down our choices.

Booie has great love of black skin, or brown as she calls it. She has many black Barbies along with other ethnic varieties. She thinks black skin is beautiful, and I can't say I blame her. It doesn't cause problems with John and me, but it does cause a bit of a stir with some family members. Obviously, I just let them talk, or Booie would have no African American, Hispanic, or Asian dolls at all. I was hesitant to buy the African American Amazing Ally doll today though, not because I didn't like it but because I gave in to the undercurrent of racism that seems to flow through our community. John too expressed concern and suggested we buy the white Amazing Ally doll, which looked a bit like Booie herself, and buy a different black doll.

I don't know why it was different in this case. Maybe it's that Amazing Ally is a much bigger doll than any other Booie has or that we suspect Booie will be carrying her around quite a bit and possibly suffer ridicule and teasing by other less color-blind children. Booie does not handle criticism well, and I could see the $65 doll sitting in a corner somewhere because someone made fun of Booie liking it. I want my children to stand up against racism, and I like that Booie likes "brown skin," but the child is only going to be six. She's not exactly an activist as it is. She's sensitive and takes everything to heart. A cruel comment about her doll would hurt her deeply, because she takes things personally. I don't want her to stop liking black dolls because of something like that.

I can't be around her all the time. Of course, if anyone made a comment about her doll in front of me, I would set that person straight. I would show Booie there is nothing wrong with her choice. I would explain how wrong it is to judge someone by her appearance, whether it be skin or otherwise that makes the difference.

I will never forget the time my mother explained to me that my southern family members used the n-word but that it was wrong. To them, the word was just a word, but I knew otherwise and felt a pang in my stomach every time I heard it. I was told at a pretty young age that racism was wrong, and that seed grew, probably beyond what my parents could ever imagine. I once took a test to supposedly measure how I view whites and blacks. It said I have a tendency to lean more favorably toward black. I wasn't surprised.

The rest of the world isn't like me though, and especially the rest of Pittsburgh. I thought racism and prejudice would be less pronounced than it was in Nebraska, but I found just the opposite to be true. I just figured that a Union state with more worldly cities and people would be more forward thinking. There are larger populations of African Americans, so people would most certainly have progressed beyond the conservative ideals of the farmland, I thought. Nebraska is less conservative on those issues than I ever knew. Recently a Pittsburgh-area couple was in the news for suing a painting company that refused to send a white crew at the couple's request after having sent a black crew to paint the home. I hear the n-word here almost as much as I did on family visits to Virginia and North Carolina. I've even been told of one family who would move from their home if a black family moved into the neighborhood. That's the kind of thing I heard in the South. I never expected to hear it here.

I'm an idealist, and I do believe in fighting for those ideals. I might not be the most decisive person in the world, but there are some things I know. This is one of them. Still, I won't put my child in an awkward position that could possibly taint her view of the world because of an outside influence. I know it's going to happen, but we don't need to invite it to happen. I'm afraid in our community having African American Amazing Ally would be doing just that� inviting unkind comments about blacks and my daughter's choice of dolls. I hate it. I wish it weren't so, but it is. I'd rather Booie grow up enough to stand up for her own views rather than feel sad and not like dolls with brown skin anymore to avoid nasty remarks. She'll only be six soon after midnight tonight, and I don't think that's old enough to expect her to fight any causes.

The color of Amazing Ally turned out to be a much more weighty decision than choosing between the doll or the Hello Kitty boom box. It turns out her grandma will be getting the boom box, so we didn't have to choose at all. I think Boo will like Amazing Ally no matter what, and she can get other brown skin dolls in the future. If she insists, I will even take her back to the store and exchange white Ally for black. Then, at least, the decision was her own and not forced upon her.