It Comes and It Goes

Three times now I thought I was getting better from being sick. Three times now, I woke up to feel worse. I felt pretty good yesterday by the time afternoon rolled around, so I did some work around the house and whittled away my TODO list. I rearranged the living room last night to get the tree in the right place, and then I was exhausted for the rest of the night. I slept fitfully, waking up coughing with my nose running. Now I feel crappy and tired again. I should have taken it easy yesterday.

But there's so much to do, and I'm so behind now. I've been taking it easy, and what has it done? I'm still sick. I drink my juice. I take my cold medicine. I rest between doing things instead of going at a steady pace, which is what I really want to do, but it doesn't help. My head increased its production of the green sludge once again, and my head feels like I'm at the bottom of the deep end of the pool.

Tonight is my date night with John (that later includes his mom and brother as well), and I'm going to need a trough of coffee to get through it. I wonder if the fancy club seats we have at the theater have coffee service as well. Lord knows that is the only way I'm going to make it through a three-hour movie, no matter how much I happen to have anticipated seeing it (try twenty years). I'm so darn tired from the cold itself as well as from the non-drowsy cold medicine that makes me near comatose (I guess that isn't covered in the definition of "non-drowsy"). Why-oh-why couldn't I be sick another time?

It's the stress. I'm sure of it. The stress of not knowing if John had a job (he has one now, by the way. But he's taking a pay cut.), of Christmas creeping up on me, of a kid who's doing poorly in school, of learning new job skills. It's just a big ball of stress, and I haven't recognized that. I thought I was doing okay, even though there were times I just wanted to explode and get it over with. I obviously wasn't dealing with all of it as well as I thought I was.

I am looking forward to Christmas though. There are a lot of things I still want to do, like wrapping gifts, but it's going to be a good day no matter what. The kids are out of school, and I have already forced them into manual labor by having them do dishes for me while I write my entry for the day. They will be cleaning and wrapping right alongside me the next couple days. I'm even going to get Hammy to make cookie dough for me, so that part is out of my hair. All I'll have to do is roll it out, cut it into shapes, bake them and frost them. Still a lot of work, but less than it could be. Kids are good for something.

Before you start thinking I birthed my own household slaves, I most look forward to watching them during the holidays. They are what bring the magic in it for me, seeing them happy. I love watching them get frosting all over their hands and faces as they decorate sugar cookies, licking their fingers and then continuing decorating. It makes me giggle inside when the rest of the family eat those cookies, because there's a little bit of imp in me that deserves coal in her stocking every year. How could you make a kid not lick his or her fingers covered in frosting? It's impossible and cruel to make them try.

Tonight we decorate the tree, and they're on pins and needles with excitement. I remember enjoying this tradition when I was a kid too, but I don't remember why. Now it would only seem like a chore if it weren't for the fact that they love it so much.

And then there's the gift opening. I am fortunate to have gracious children who are so happy to get gifts of any kind. They often stop to play with their gifts or check them out, something I never did as a child. I was too insanely curious to see all my goods to bother doing something I would have plenty of time to do after every last bit of wrap was shredded. Christmas morning lasts a little longer in our house. It's not such a frantic flurry, and I love that.

In the next few hours, I'll get to go out with my husband all by ourselves and then see a movie I've wanted made for years. There is nothing but good ahead in the next few days, and maybe if I concentrate on that hard enough, I won't feel so sick. Even if I am, it's better medicine than that stuff in pill form.