Finally� the Hair

Note: I started this on Wednesday. It has taken me that long to finally get it all done.

I originally thought I would write about counseling today, since I was the one to go last night, but nothing was coming out. I was able to vent some of my frustration from the past couple days, but I think John and I will have to go together for anything to really happen. We will have to make sure to have a sitter for next week.

Since I didn't seem to be getting anything in the counseling department, I figured I wouldn't write anything today, and then I remembered� I haven't talked about or posted pictures of my hair cut. I managed to get the stupid webcam working, no thanks to their support information. I figured it out all on my own, and now it works better than it ever did, though that's still not that great. I can't expect much from a $50 clearance camera. It's better than nothing, which is what our digital camera amounts to since I still haven't sent it in.

Anyway, I got the camera working and had it on a timer a few different days, so I have all kinds of hair cut pictures now. I also had a picture my MIL took with her digital camera on the very day of my haircut, but I'd forgotten about it. By the time this picture was taken, my hair didn't look nearly as cute as it did when I left the salon, but it shows the difference from before. Well, it would if I had a "before" picture, wouldn't it? I'm not all that fond of this picture, except that I really liked that Warning: Controlled Area sign over my shoulder. It seems appropriate next to me.

Let's see if I can dig up a decent "before" picture. Since we haven't had a digital camera since Halloween when I dropped it, there aren't a lot of pictures of me. Not that there would be a lot of pictures of me even if it were working, because no one ever takes pictures of me except my MIL. She rarely takes pictures of me either since I've taken to hiding from the camera ever since I packed on the pounds, but there are a few here and there. This one is from December on a day I was OK with being photographed. I curled my hair, so it doesn't look as long as it was, but it gives you a good idea of the difference. Believe it or not, it's the same color. I was just in the sun when this was taken.

I actually had four more pictures taken that day, which is almost a record in the past couple years. Booie didn't want to get her picture taken by herself with all the characters at this Christmas party, so I held her. I kind of got a kick out of posing with Rudolf here. The previous one is with Clifford, The Big Red Dog, but Booie is between us, and I'm not ready to expose my children to the web. You'll just have to deal with me and Rudolf here. I particularly like the attractive name tag we all had to wear.

Getting back on track though, here's a better picture of me with the new do. I look quite pleased in this shot, don't I? I'm much happier with the hair than it might appear. What I'm not so sure about is the lack of bangs.

I have had bangs since about the age of 12. That would be twenty years of bangs. They were a part of me, so going without them has been more than a challenge. When I went in for the cut, I had no idea what I might do about the bangs. Months ago, I thought I resolved to have bangs for the rest of my life. But I questioned my decision, and when I sat in the chair with my hair four inches shorter, I couldn't decide. I did the natural thing and asked my 11-year-old son for advice. He said to leave the bangs long, so I did. I've been a wreck ever since.

I can't stand my forehead. It just looks immense, like the state of Montana or something. It is also the most wrinkled part of my face, and now that I'm old enough that the wrinkles don't disappear in the morning anymore, I'm really self-conscious about them. Now that my forehead is out there for all to see, so are the most significant signs of age.

I though maybe I could pull it off, like I could be cute like all the other women I see without bangs. None of the women in the whole salon had bangs, and I thought they all looked great. Sure, most of them think the age of 25 was some sort of big milestone in their lives and only saw wrinkles on their clothes, but I didn't look at a one of them and think, "That girl needs some bangs." In fact, I'm always impressed with how good people look without them. But not me.

I don't know if it's just my nearly 20 year dependence on bangs or if I truly look better with them. I can't trust my judgment. Hammy still thinks I look better without the bangs whereas John likes me better with them. Booie is too young to care and still at that point in life where she thinks her mom always looks beautiful. (She likes to be like me. I'll enjoy that while I can.) I don't think I can decide based on my own opinion, and the family is too varied.

As usual, my inability to come to a decision leaves me with the status quo. Though I went in to cut my hair on a whim, I knew what I wanted. Now I have no idea what I want, so there's no way I can do anything about it. So in doing nothing, I've made a decision of sorts, because it's forcing me to live without bangs. Maybe by the time what is left of my bangs really grows out and isn't just long enough to barely tuck behind an ear, I'll like the look better. Or maybe I'll go through the pain of growing out the bangs completely only to continue hating the look and cut them all off.

As for the rest of the hair, I really love it. It's a whole lot more work than anyone would guess though, because my hair has a natural frizziness to it. It's not really curly. It's not really wavy. It has an irregular and very unruly bit of curl. Some of the hairdressers I have known call that "body." I call it a pain in the ass. I can never ever get my hair to lie completely flat and smooth no matter how much hair product I use. I can curl it only to find it going its own way in the matter of an hour. Everyone talks about how easy short hair is, but it's not easy for me. For it to be easy, I must pull it back in a ponytail or settle for the constant windblown or I've-been-electrocuted look.

Since I know everyone is dying to know how I do my hair, I'm going to document the process. To get it to look the way I like it to look, I have to start in the shower. I use a straightening conditioner that I let sit on my hair for at least two minutes. Then I rinse it out and apply just a little more conditioner to the ends and leave it in. I wrap it up in a towel and squeeze as much water out of it as I can without rubbing, because I may as well give up then and there if I do the towel rubbing method of drying. I apply a straightening gel and then dry it thoroughly with a hair dryer using one of those round brushes that helps straighten it out and starts getting the ends to go the way I want them. After that, it's time for the big barrel curling iron. I pull the top half of my hair up in a clip and spray the bottom half with setting gel then curl it out and hairspray it. Then I do the same thing on the top half. I wrestle with the remnants of my bangs for near ten minutes to get them flat and tucked down. They have been trained for 20 years to cover my forehead, so their natural tendency is to go over my forehead. But now if they go over my forehead, they also cover my eyes, and I can't drive or even walk through the house when I have hair over my eyes. Anyway, once the whole curling and spraying process is done, I use a little wax on the ends and a smoothing lotion over the whole thing, even though the stuff seems to have a different idea of "smooth" than I do. It helps a little, so I use it.

And if I don't feel like doing all that, or it's raining out and my hair will revert back to its natural state as soon as my toe touches the front step? I resort to this�