Should-a, Would-a, Could-a

We have four new shelving and cupboard units, and they are sitting downstairs (in the truck still or in the basement, I don't know). I should be putting them together, but instead I'm playing pinball. I hope I wear myself out of it soon, like I did with Solitaire. It took a while though, and I didn't get anything done during that time. I hope this one doesn't take as long. I have no self-control whatsoever.

I've always been a pinball nut. It's the only game I would play when we were kids and video games were all the rage. I even played pinball in college. It's not until this Frogger business that I really got into any video games, unless you count being John's navigator on Ultima Underworld or Parasite Eve. That's about the extent of it. But now pinball is on the computer, and I'm obsessed with that as much as if I had ten rolls of quarters and a wall of pinball machines. I just love the things. There's something about that ball rolling and being able to bat it around with those flippers. I don't know how to explain it. It's pinball love.

I had the worst time deciding what storage units to get when we were in the store. I didn't plan very well for this purchase, even though I've known I wanted to buy them since last Sunday. Hell, I've wanted to buy things like this for years but never got around to it or didn't have the money; the usual excuses. Now we have an expense account full of money for things like that, but do I plan? No, of course not. Why would I want to do something like that and ruin my reputation as a disorganized clutterbug? A little planning would sure go a long way in getting me out from under these heaps of junk, but I don't do it. Even when I have the resources, I'm still a procrastinator, and I put off this decision. Now I'm probably going to regret what I chose.

It's really hard to tell what I might need at this point. I've never had things like that, so I really don't know what would work best for our situation. It's one of those things where you have to try it out to see what you like. So I bought one of everything to see what might work best. Even if I don't really care for one of the three, I will still be able to use it somewhere. It's just white laminate cheap-o stuff, so it's not like I'm dropping a ton of money on it. I will find a use for the stuff if it even ends up being in the laundry room for storage. John even mentioned that it looked like laundry room furniture, whatever that means. I didn't know there was furniture made specifically for the laundry room, but ok. I guess I know what he was getting at.

I haven't done any of the things on my list of stuff that's bugging me. I had all afternoon today with a house to myself-something I've been dreaming of for days, months, years; but what do I do with it? I play on the computer almost the whole time. I wasted a ton of time on Napster. Ok, so it wasn't totally wasted, because I got almost all the Beck stuff I wanted, but I do feel I could have spent my time better. I could have gotten rid of some of this guilt hanging over me like a shroud. I owe people so many things, and I'm busy getting music. I must like living with guilt, or I'm just so used to it that I don't know how to act any other way. I tend to think I don't really like the guilt, so ignorance strikes again. Damn I have an overabundance of that. Wish I could give that away like all the junk I've been doing.

Speaking of junk, I have got to take the three useless bikes to Goodwill that are in my garage. They aren't completely useless. They could be fixed, but I don't want to fix them. Both the kids have bikes, so those just sit there and get in the way, like lots of things around here. I will have to make a special trip to the Goodwill bin and dump them off. I'm sure I could find some other things to take too.

I think we're going to clean tomorrow. We do need to unearth the dining room table. I would really like to get downstairs and do a little organizing down there now that I have the nifty cupboards for things. I just have to make sure I actually do it and don't come up with a ton of excuses again or let J talk me into something else.

He does practice with the band tomorrow, so he won't be sleeping in. I can't say so much for myself. I will be sleeping until I can't sleep no more, so I can drag myself through another week of school for the kids. I tell ya, that school stuff is as hard on me as it is on them. And here I thought I was done with that when I dropped out of college. There's always something though. My happiest time was working the graveyard shift. I'm kind of backwards when it comes to sleeping. I try to conform, and I do pretty well when I stick to a strict schedule. I have a problem doing that though, especially when the weekend comes, and I'm butt tired. So I just deal with the insomnia and the early mornings and grind out the weekdays to get to another weekend.

Since John practices tomorrow, he's working on the three songs he's supposed to learn. Of course, he waited until the very night before the morning he practices. Doesn't sound like anyone I know. It's no wonder we get along like we do� and fight like we do. We hate the things in each other that we do ourselves. I don't play stupid songs over and over and over to learn them though. My God, it's Elton John. I'm not a fan, and this is about killing me. Then there's the Rolling Stones too. I don't care that they are one of the greatest bands ever. I don't like them, and I especially don't like listening to the same song repeatedly while John plunks out missed note after missed note to learn the thing. Gah!

Now, he's really great at learning music by listening to it. I could never do that in a million years, and I've tried. I'm sure it's a little easier on a guitar than a clarinet, but still, I'm not good at picking out notes. I remember a lot less about music than I should, but what am I going to do with it? It's not like I'm going to write any songs or be invited to play clarinet for John's band anytime. I never was a musical genius though. I scratched and clawed my way into first section my senior year of high school, then I dropped it like a hot rock. I know my limits. I love music, but I'm not good at it.