Feeling Like a Runner
As much as I didn't want to go run yesterday, I did anyway. I wanted to stay home and play pinball with the family. I put running off for a long time by going to breakfast and going shopping, but I couldn't put it off any longer. I was trying to justify not going, and I couldn't come up with anything. I thought about how I could switch with my rest day again, but I don't have a rest day until Friday. There was no way I could skip without an immense amount of guilt. I had to go. That's all there was too it.
Yesterday was a long run too. I was supposed to go an hour and ten minutes on the trails while practicing water and food intake. I think the preparation and dread were far worse than anything I could have experienced while running. I felt fat. All my more flattering running clothes were dirty, so I had to put on shorts that ride up worse than any others, exposing the soft flab on my inner thighs. I reminded myself I'd be on trails most of the time, so people wouldn't even see me. And what good would it do to sit at home and let myself get more flabby anyway? I needed every minute of that run, and I knew it.
I started out from a new location, since the Rib Cook-off is going on this weekend, and there's tons of traffic at the park. I parked by the fitness trail and felt like a goof putting on my Camelbak. I kept thinking everyone was wondering why this out of shape girl was acting like an athlete or something. I started walking to warm-up anyway and was soon by myself for the rest of the warm-up and stretch. Then it was time to run, and I had to go on the main drag for a short stint to get to the trailhead. Again, the thoughts about what everyone thought of me plagued me all the way to the trail. But then I was free. I could get my running rhythm going and not worry about how I looked.
It was hard at first. I doubted my ability to go the full hour and ten minutes, but I reminded myself I could always walk if I needed. I hadn't had much to eat that day either, so my energy was low. I pushed through, running for eleven minutes before I had to walk up a hill. The hill took five minutes to walk, during which time I had to try my first gel.
I was doing ok with the water intake already. I chose the gel because I figured it would be easier to eat while running or biking or whatever. It was a fast 100 calories I could slurp down without having to try to breathe while chewing. Problem was, I didn't exactly slurp it down. I hadn't tried the stuff before, so I didn't know what to expect, so when that blob of gel oozed into my mouth, I gagged. It had the consistency of snot and tasted a bit like it too with some orange flavoring to try to mask the snot taste. It was thicker than I expected and wanted to stick to my mouth, but I managed to swallow it down. That first swallow was only half the package though. I still had half a package to go, and considering how worn out I was already, I needed it. I literally choked down the second half of that package. I decided that I would wait thirty minutes instead of twenty to eat the second package of gel and hoped the berry flavor wouldn't be quite as nasty.
It wasn't long before the effects of the gel kicked in, and I was able to run and run and run. I decided the nasty goo was worth it, and the berry flavor was better. It still had that thick, snotty consistency, but the berry made it a little more tolerable. I don't know why I tried the orange. I'm not a big fan of orange-flavored anything, even though I like oranges and orange juice. I learned my lesson with that one. I would like to sample the vanilla, but there wasn't any of that at the store when I went. There was lots and lots of chocolate, which made me think chocolate probably wasn't that great. As much as I love chocolate, it does not appeal to me while exercising. The general effects of the gel are great though, and I would manage to even gag down the chocolate or orange if I had to.
I never stopped running again. I ran the rest of the hour and ten minutes, following some new trails and visiting some familiar ones. As I ran back down the main street to get back to the car, I didn't care what anyone thought of me anymore. I was a runner. I know they didn't know I just ran so long or so far, but it didn't matter. I knew. I knew what I accomplished, and I felt good. I felt like a runner. One day, I'll look like one too.
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One Year Ago Today:
