I've been feeling a little guilty about working out so much and neglecting some other things. The house isn't complete chaoe, but it could be better. I'm making sure I work out every day, and I kind of felt like it was a luxury, and I should be doing other things. But I realized, if I'm going to be a trainer, I am working toward that goal. It's not like I can be a fat trainer, so I'm getting in shape which is the first step. I still have to find a better balance though. I'm getting there.

This should have been a light day, but since I didn't work out at all yesterday, I had weights and cardio to make up. It took me a little while to get rolling too. But I did, even though my heart rate was elevated. It was higher than normal all during both the Tae-Bo and the treadmill. I probably should have taken it easier, but I didn't feel bad. Hopefully it was just from the no eating, late night, too much stress combo.

I should have a late night tonight, but I have not eaten enough today, and the stress is still there but reduced. Tomorrow looks to be a tough workout day, so I hope the heart rate isn't up too much again. I will go easier if that's the case. I intend to eat more too. I ate more than yesterday, but it's still not eanough. If I improve again tomorrow though, I'll be fine.

Eating is becoming an issue of a different sort now. I go along just fine without eating. It's like the hunger switch is simply shut off most of the time now--the exact opposite of how it was before. It does concern me. I can sit and listen to my stomach growl, but I don't want to eat. I like not eating, and I force myself to consume what I do half the time. My comfort is that I really want to be fit and healthy, not skinny. I know I have to fuel my body, and most of the time, I am doing that. The stress has been overwhelming lately, but I'll have to cope without starving. I can do that.

I do need to get to the grocery store though. There just isn't much to eat around here, which makes not eating that much easier. I picked up a few things when I went to Kmart, but that was mostly snack type stuff. I planned to go to the grocery afterward, but I got out too late and had to get Booie's Girl Scout snack to school. Then Hammy was home, and I was going to have to pick up Booie in my dripping workout clothes, but no one really saw me. After that, I needed a shower, then John was home, so I attacked him (not in a bad way), then back to Kmart to pick up the prescription that took too long before, picked up dinner at Subway, and didn't want to go out again. So no grocery trip today. I picked up milk, so we're good for the morning.

---------------------------------------------

One Year Ago Today: