Even when I weigh less than John, he has three inches on me. I have to weight quite a bit less to be equal in fatness. But right now, just weighing less would be enough. I found out this afternoon that I no longer weigh less than John. My heart sunk. I've weighed more than John for a few years of our time together. Once I started tangling with that 200 mark and then finally took up permanent residence above 200, I gave up weighing less than John. Part of it was denial (if I don't actually know what he weighs, it doesn't matter), and part of it was the general sense of "fuck it" that permeated my life. I didn't care, which manifested in at least 218 pounds. I suspoect it was more at some time, but I cared so little I just didn't check.

Once I started working out again and imposed a few eating rules, I finally got below 200 again, which I joyously documented here. John was in his own state of "fuck it" and let his weight climb to what I think was an all-time high for him. And finally, I again weighed less than my husband. I was still fatter, at least in a BMI sense, but gravity didn't like me as much as it did him.

Then I slacked again, which I occasionally mentioned here. Had I been slacking properly, I wouldn't have done even that. I wasn't fully resigned to my state of slack, I guess. My weight rose just over 200, where it stayed until I decided to quit the slacking. Then, as I said this morning, instead of being rewarded with a lighter self, a dip back into 100-land, even an acceptable maintenance, I got heavier. That getting heavier made me the heavyweight champion of the house again, and I don't like it.

I might have gotten away with it, but John recently decided to watch what he eats and has already started losing weight. He loses so much easier than I do too. So now it's going to be a struggle for me to find myself lighter than him again. But I am determined. I'd like to do it sooner rather than later, so I'll be working hard. Like I said on my weight loss group, it's going to be like The Biggest Loser: Men vs. Women here.

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One Year Ago Today: