I wish I could rewind--back to when John really wanted to work on us. I wish I could have gotten it before then, seen what a tyrant I was. I wish I could make him happy. You know what they say about wishing though.
These past few weeks, I got through my day wondering what I can do to make everything better. I know staying positive is necessary, not adding to John's stress, but most of all being patient. I just have to wait. I feel my patience growing thin, stretched taut over the time it takes him to figure it all out. I want to plead to him, but I know desperation isn't pretty. I keep telling myself I need to settle down, but it's hard to be calm when lost.
That's how John describes himself--lost. So our relationship is lost with him. While I'm finding direction in my own life, he flounders.
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One Year Ago Today: