I think it's safe to say I fell off the horse. Again. But it's done, and I'm moving on. Again. And that's good, else I'd wallow in misery forever until I faded to nothing while physically growing way more than something.

I am struggling though. The gap between John and me continues to widen rather than close. I doubt many things, mostly his commitment and desire to compromise. He doesn't take an active role as a husband or a father, or sometimes, even as an adult. I find life easier when he's gone, because I can't expect anything if he's not here. He's not home irritating me by playing Nascar while the trach overflows, "relaxing" when our finances swirl the drain, answering email while the kids and I spend time together. He's so "stressed" and "drained" that there is nothing left for his family after work or on weekends, but there's plenty there for games, music, and computer. I'm tired of it, and I've told him so. He has to be a part of this or get out. I just can't live this way. I've decided it's not healthy or productive.

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One Year Ago Today: