I got sick. Haven't been sick this whole time. There's no excuse.
I have to rework my list of things to do. There are some that really need done. 1) Get an appt. for Booie, 2) Make bed, 3) Get Ajax's medicine 4) Make appt. for me, 5) Make gift baskets, 6) Make Ache Eraser label, 7) Clean dining room table (can't see any wood), 8) Get extension cord (for the fire hazard that are our Christmas lights outside), 9) Finish web site and upload, 10) Call father-in-law's girlfriend.
I dread that last one most of all. Actally, I have things I need to do before I can do that.
Same with #5. He wants a holiday theme for the gift baskets, so I need to figure out what to put in there. I need to make Ginger Glow Sugar Scrub, Poinsettia Petals, and Frosty Bath Blasts. I also need to get basekts. A couple things I have to print labels for, which means I have to get ink for the printer. I should probably pick up shrink wrap bags too.
Oh, and I wanted to get Mom and Dad's stuff together which means copying that DVD and packing everything.
Ack! I need to write my aunt too!
Ok... to call Sarah, I have to get an idea of my procedure with businesses, which means making a plan, so I can present that to her as well. What to put together? I'll need brochures of course, some business cards, a sampling of products, and a wholesale or consignment plan. That requires some research. I'll ask on the soap list tomorrow and see if I might get a hold of Lin too. For products, I think Basic Soap, Sweet Disposition, Equinox lotion, and Mintingle lip balm might be a good start. I can customize for the type of shop, but that's a good starting point. Oh... bath blasts too! Gotta have those!
That nasal spray smells like ass. Literally. I suppose I shouldn't use really old stuff like that.
Another thing I didn't put on my list is Christmas letter and cards. I need to rearrange the living room for the tree too. Fix my wreath and get that on the door. Kind of goofy having a fall wreath up with all our Christmas lights.
I haven't exercised in, what?... two weeks. I have to get back to that, sick or not. I've fallen off again. One little bump, and I'm completely off track. Doesn't take much anymore. If there's time tomorrow, I will work on my book assignment. I'll exercise no matter what!
I slept a lot today, so I'm not tired. It just takes once, and I'm back to my night owl schedule. Wish it weren't so out of the ordinary. I do so much better at night. Someday...
Maybe I should write about weight issues now, since I'm so awake, and there's time. I'm not going to do my list now, so I could do that.
I don't even know where to start. I could go through the book assignments, but I often feel like I'm just answering questions and not getting to the heart of the matter. I know part of that is me not wanting to get into the depths of these issues. Part of it is fear. Part feeling that I answered the question and that's enough. I'm going to list some issues I think I've been avoiding and go in depth on each one, if not tonight, this week.
I feel like as long as I'm not fulfilled in my relationship, I will never be skinny.
I feel doomed to be like my mom since I'm like her in every other way.
I don't feel like it's fair that I can't eat whatever I want. Fairness is a big issue with me.
I feel guilty every time I criticize my parents, especially my dad.
I'm getting older, and it's too hard.
I don't want to reward John fin any way when I'm not getting what I want.
There has to be something wrong with me.
I don't have any friends for support.
Just once in a while won't hurt. I say that every day, sometimes every hour or minute.
I'm afraid if I get in shape and get attention from men, I'll want to leave John. (That's pretty big.)
John can't accept me as I am, so why should I conform for him whe he doesn't do anything for me? (Seems like I said that, huh?)
That sense of fairness comes up a lot. I don't like that life's not fair. I don't like that John was probably a mistake. That's so hard to say! I don't say it. When I think it, I try to stamp it out. I always hope for that change that is the completely the wrong thing to do. Can I live like this forever? I think I'm simply too afraid to admit the answer is no.
But that doesn't necessarily mean I have to leave either, does it? If I find peace within myself, I might be fine. Because really, this is all about me. Alone. It's not reliant on my relationship or anything else. I have to be happy with me, who I am. I have to find my own fulfillment before I can expect it with someone else. I have to let go of the relationship when it comes to my weight. To me.
I think it would be good for me to visualize the person I feel I really am every day. I have to become more aware of that person. At all times. It's the true me. It makes me feel better just thinking about it.
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One Year Ago Today:
