Pooped Out, Poopy Attitude

Man, I'm tired. I did my mile run/walk yesterday and thought about doing something else by evening but decided against it. I don't want to push it too hard. I took a 45 minute walk today, which was a tad over an hour by the time I added a warm-up and cool-down. I wore the dog out, and now I'm ready for a nap myself, even though it's been a few hours since I went.

One thing walking always does is make my shins hurt like crazy. It's like I'm not used to lifting my toes, because the front of my leg hurts something fierce, and my feet ending up flopping while I walk. I even stretched out before I went today. I guess going two days in a row was more than I'm used to, because it really hurt today. Yesterday wasn't so bad. I have a fifteen minute walk tomorrow, but it's an easy one. I think those will be good for me, so I still get the walking motion, but it's not so hard on my legs.

My muscles really got tired on the walk today. By the end, my toes were catching on the pavement, and I almost tripped myself a couple times. That would sure be embarrassing! I suppose it wouldn't feel too good physically either, but hopefully, I won't have that problem.

I have no idea how far I went today. I'll have to drive it tomorrow. I think I went a pretty good distance. I know I went the mile I do when I have my walk/run days. I went a lot further than that too.

I still haven't gotten a message from my other team member. It really makes me nervous. He was really excited about it, and then I don't hear from him in over a week. I've sent two or three messages with no reply. It just scares the crap out of me that I was all happy and hopeful and relieved to have scraped up a team, and now it seems like it's already falling apart. Having personal doubts is one thing. I can deal with that. Having team doubts is out of my control, and I don't deal with that well. I figure I'll wait until after the band has done their radio gig tonight before I ask what's up. I'm dying to just call him and ask what the hell is going on though.

I see a lot of people walking and running ever since the new year. I know I seem like just another resolution maker, but I actually started before the new year turned. My resolution has nothing to do with the new year. It doesn't really matter. It's my problem with being categorized and stereotyped.

I hate writing on the weekends. Half the time, it seems like I write something really good (not today though), but nobody reads it. Everyone is out in the real world instead of wasting time on the internet like me.

I threw away so much shit the past couple days that I didn't even keep track of it. It was a lot. There were toys and junk and my old coffee maker that burns the coffee among lots of other things. It was all from the basement. Yay. I should be more excited about this than I am, but I think I'm in a bad mood.

John's band is on the radio tonight. One of the local radio stations features a local band every Sunday. It's pretty cool that they're on, but I'm not as excited about that as I should be either. The whole band thing creates such conflicting emotions in me.

I think cleaning put me in a bad mood. It always does. I'm just like my mother. We avoided her at all costs when she was doing any major cleaning. Now I know why. It's easy to get pissed off when you're slogging through a ton of shit that isn't even your own (or even if it is your own), and you're the only one that gives half a crap whether it gets clean in the first place. You get pissed for all the piling up that happens. You get pissed for all the extra work that is created for you because someone didn't feel like folding a pair of jeans that were tried on and then decided against and put in the hamper. You get pissed because while you're working your ass off, everyone else is out sledding or playing with friends or working on music. And you get pissed that you're the only one that seems to know how to do anything at all.

I freely admit I'm a perfectionist. I've created a lot of this environment by cleaning up the job someone else did or by asking things to be done over or criticizing the job done. I know that's wrong, wrong, wrong, and I've worked very hard to resolve that. But somehow, I think everyone was just looking for an excuse not to do it, because now nothing gets done unless I ask, and then it still doesn't get done half the time. If it's to be done by anyone other than me, I either have to a) nag the shit out of them, or b) throw a big fit. I don't like my choices, and I don't think it's fair that's what I have to choose from.

I'm a big whiny baby tonight. X-files is probably going to suck on top of everything else, not like that would be a surprise or anything.