I am not much of a gum lover. Maybe it's age. Maybe it's TMJ. Or I could just be a no-fun grump. OK, well, I am that, but I don't know if it has anything for my dislike for chewing gum. I don't care that others do it. My kids, Booie in particular, both like gum. I even buy it for them, but don't tell anyone, or I may lose my reputation of being mean. I don't even mind bubble-blowing. I get a tad cranky about open-mouthed chomping, an apparant hobby for Booie, but that only merits a sigh and roll of the eyes. There is one thing that I can not tolerate of the gum-chewer--throwing, spitting, leaving, dropping, or depositing chewed gum where people will step in it.
There is some irony in this, because if a ceratin gum-chewer in Platte River State Park, Nebraska hadn't inconsiderately left gum in the parking lot on a scorching summer day, I would not have one of the funniest memories of my childhood.
The gum dislike may be an inherited trait from my dad, because he doesn't care to chew gum much either. I'm still of the belief that it's because he chews it so vigorously on the rare occasion he does it, that he chomps his way to an aching jaw and head. I have never seen anyone chew gum with such enthusiasm. The stuff has to lose flavor in under thirty seconds at that rate too. It's no wonder he doesn't like gum.
So this self-proclaimed gum-hater gets out of our van on that hot summer day in Platte River State Park and steps in some ABC gum. Because it was wicked hot, when Dad lifted his foot, the gum pulled up in thin, sticky threads that, with the help of a little breeze, got stuck all over Dad's shoes. The more he moved, the worst it got, like an insect struggling in a spiderweb. I never in my life heard that man curse, and I doubt I ever will, because as mad as he was, he didn't swear even then. The rest of us found it uproariously funny as he sputtered and continued to get covered in gum. This only served to fuel his anger. He responded by commanding, "You kids are never going to chew gum again!" At first, our mouths hung too far open to issue a response, but it wasn't long before we cried, "That's not fair!" and "We didn't do it!" I think my mom calmed things down by helping clean Dad's shoes and stifling her own amusement.
To this day, Dad gets razzed about the "never chew gum again" comment. It was so rare for him to get that furious. He even laughs about it now, but there was no laughter from him that day. It still cracks me up though whenever I envision him entangled in that sticky mess.
I haven't met a person yet who is happy to step in gum, and I count myself among that group. No matter how funny it is for everyone else, it's still rude, inconsiderate, and supremely lazy to leave chewed gum on the ground where others may step in it. No one wants to deal with a wad of anything that's been in someone else's mouth. It's simply disgusting. And then there's this issue of ruined or marred shoes and clothing. I was thankful I haven't bought the $110 true love shoes, or I would have been vying for Angriest Gum Episode Ever with my dad. I wasn't happy that it was my new pair of $10 consolation shoes. With my budget, messing up my $10 shoes doesn't make for a happy day. Had it gotten onto my no-so-budget birthday-present skirt, I would have been pouting for a week. I fared relatively well, but I shouldn't have had to fare at all.
There are countless places to put gum where it won't end up putting a crimp in someone's mood or wallet or preventing young children from ever getting to chew gum again. When there is a lot of gum left in some places, it's nearly art, like the roof of a building (under the line for the Phantom's Revenge roller coaster) in Kennywood amusement partk. I can't help but smile when I see that roof plastered in several shades of gum with a few scattered coins (including quarters from people who obvioulsy have more money than I do). I've seen posts covered in gum and other things I can't remember. So gum disposal doesn't have to ruin someone's day. It can be a creative process. Even if it's not going to be a public art project, finding a different way to disard gum when no garbage is available is just more fun than chucking it on the sidewalk. And if all else fails, there's always your sister's hair. Unless I'm your sister; then you're asking for an ass-whoopin'.
---------------------------------------------
One Year Ago Today:
