Dinner? I'm Wearing It

I have proven why I should not be left to make dinner. Not only do I hate cleaning up and usually don't do it. Not only do I hate grocery shopping. Not only do I despise menu planning and remembering to defrost things. No, not just all of these things. I manage to make a much bigger mess than your average person. No wonder I hate cleaning up. No wonder it seems so easy when I see other people do it. Other people aren't making huge messes when they cook.

Part of my problem is the miniscule amount of counter space I have in my kitchen. I have a max of four square feet of workspace in there. I don't have a suitable work triangle (stove, sink, fridge) either. It's ridiculous, which leads to me doing stupid things, like balancing things on the tiny two inch strip of sink edge and putting stuff on the stove. I've gotten used to things dropping and spilling into the sink or on the floor or bowls and wrappers melting on the stove as the oven preheats. I already don't like cleaning up, and then I have more to clean up because I don't have a proper kitchen. Add me, the ultimate clumsy person, and it's a recipe for disaster.

It wasn't until yesterday that I finally realized all this. And why did I realize this? I'm sure you can guess there was a mess involved, yesirree. I was making something so simple and easy, something my can't-boil-water husband can make. I was making Tuna Helper. That's bad enough in itself, but my family happens to like it, and it's easy to make. At least it's supposed to be. There's no real prep work involved, so you wouldn't think the lack of counterspace or the work triangle would matter, right? It probably didn't.

What mattered is tuna brings all beasts to the kitchen. I had two cats yowling and positioning themselves in every place I might have put a foot. I had a dog, usually scared to death to set foot on the stylish 60s gold fleck peel-in-stick tile, standing everywhere the cats were not while wagging the tail of doom. I was over the sink, trying to drain a can of tuna that was not cooperating, when all of a sudden, that sturdy American steel tuna can lid buckled under my great strength, and the tuna exploded all over me, the floor, the animals, the kitchen. You cannot even imagine the mayhem that ensued. No. No, you can't.

Dog and cats were vying for optimal tuna-eating positions. It was like a fur tornado. I didn't know what to do but stand there swearing and looking at my tuna-covered self. Then the animals thought cleaning me off might be a grand idea, which sounds good in theory, but when canine, felines, teeth, claws and food are involved, it's not so great. I quickly dumped what was left of the tuna in the pan and wiped the tuna off my clothes onto the floor. I figured the animals would sort that out for themselves while I left to put on yet more clean clothes.

I had just put on the tuna clothes, since I worked out and took a shower not long before dinnertime. So not only did I make a big mess in the kitchen (animals only clean up so much), but I had extra laundry too. I do so love laundry. And what in the world do you do with tuna soaked clothes? It's not like you can put them in the hamper. I certainly didn't want to be sniffing tuna for the next couple days until the hamper got full. Plus, it would only invite cats and dog to overturn said hamper to see where the tuna was. They might very well chew holes through my clothes too. I couldn't even leave tuna clothes in the laundry room for the very same reason. I had no choice but to wash them immediately. I was thrilled.

Dinner turned out okay, and I got the kitchen cleaned up all the way this morning while I was on the phone with Kay, but that doesn't mean I now enjoy cooking in there. In fact, I dislike it even more than I did before. I do blame it on the kitchen. I don't blame it on my own stupid clumsiness or inability to handle a tuna can. There's bad juju in that kitchen. That's why it happened. I need a remodel, so I can make dinner with ease. Now I just have to convince John, which will probably be a whole lot easier than coming up with the cash. It might be a long, long time before I can make dinners without wearing them.