I'm better now. Sort of. The sore throat is gone, and I've gained back five of the eight pounds I lost because I can eat, drink, and swallow my own saliva again. I'm hoping that is all of those pounds I will gain back, but if not, I am at least happy I am well again. Sort of.

Once the sore throat subsided, and I regained the ability to snort again (I couldn't snort because my throat was swollen. It was a travesty.), the cold I had before I got strep came back, or more likely, was unveiled again. I suspect the cold is what made this case of strep so very unbearable, and it just kind of hid behind the pain for the past week. So I'm still sick, but not so bad.

This does put a kink in my plans to be dedicated running girl when I go back to Nebraska next week. I leave next Thursday to visit Kay and to take Hammy to visit his dad. Hammy will be staying for about a month while I'm only staying for five days. I was hoping to have a solid running routine going by that time and had done fairly well until the whole illness thing. The last time I ran was the 29th. That's nearly two weeks ago, and I'm in no shape to start running so far this week. Going for a walk yesterday made me feel like poo. I wanted a well-established exercise program when I left, so I would continue to do it while I was away. Going away, like being sick, has always been a huge stumbling block for me, and I really wanted to be well-prepared this time. Damn germs! At this rate, I'll probably catch SARS on the plane ride out there.

I really must be more positive.

Speaking of which, my grandma got out of the hospital! The pacemaker they put in seems to have helped a lot, even though the doctor really didn't think it would help at all. It must have done something, because she felt better, got off the medicine keeping her blood pressure up, and started getting fussy. My mom is still out there, taking care of Grandma. She made Grandma go home with her insted of going to her own house. Grandma seems to think she'll get back to normal and be able to live by herself on her acreage out in the boonies again, but that just can't happen. She's one of those people who just can't admit she can't do it alone anymore. She won't quit driving either. I realize that it's this quality in her that made her the strong independent woman who managed a farm on her own for near twenty years after her husband died, but she's not what she used to be. I can't imagine it's easy to give up parts of your everyday life because age is finally getting the best of you, but she's going to run herself into the grave if she continues to be stubborn and delusional.

My poor mom bears the brunt of this situation. Her brother lives in California, and her sister lives in north-central Nebraska. Her sister comes down to help when she can, but my mom is the only one to stay and handle everything. She doesn't even live in Omaha herself, yet she manages to make the sacrifice to take care of her mother. She's near 600 miles away from home and her husband, handling Grandma's affairs, and dealing with her pigheaded, sick mother. She spent her wedding anniversary apart from my dad for the first time since they were married because of this. It makes me angry that her siblings don't help her out more, especially her sister who isn't all that far away.

There isn't much I can do. If I still lived there, I could help take care of Grandma, and I wouldn't feel the need to hold my tongue like everyone else. I would be happy to tell Grandma she can't drive anymore and that she has to either live with someone or go into an assisted living facility. I was always straight-forward with her about things and spoke my mind, but I don't think I can do that when I'm only going to be there for a few days. When I lived there, there was time to cool off and let things settle in with her before I talked to her again. Now I just have a few days. I don't want to get Grandma all flustered only to leave. I also don't want to stir the pot for my mom to handle even more trouble. So this visit, I'll keep relatively quiet. I'm not the main caretaker, and I need to keep myself in line.

I'm glad Grandma is better, even if she is giving everyone else headaches.

It's time I take care of some of my own headaches. I have to go to the store, get some fruit snacks for Booie's class, run those to the school, and get to work on this pigsty of a house. There's nothing like being sick to turn my house into a certifiable landfill. And remember that laundry I was dedicated to doing? You know that didn't get done, what with the agonizing throat pain and all. I swear one day John and the kids will come home to find me sitting in the front yard with the dog and cats as the firemen douse the last of our burning possessions.

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