It wasn't until I did my One Year Ago link for yesterday that I realized that was when Booie started getting really sick. I knew it was soon, but there was something about seeing that day go by without incident that brought such a relief to me. She's not even sick with the headcold she and I both had through Christmas, so she's the exact opposite of what she was last year. That alone makes me feel like this is the beginning of a good turn in life.

I'm having great success with my fitness program too. I can't say so much for my eating habits, but I'm not really working on those, just observing right now. I feel very good about my progress so far. In fact, it seems like there's a real shift in my attitude, and as I feel more positive, good things seem to be coming my way.

I went out to see John's band last night for the first time in more than a month. It was nice to see them again, and I had a lot of fun. I danced and even got some attention. I honestly don't remember the last time that happened. I was just downright happy last night and found myself with a slight smile on my face almost all night long.

I had a surprise last night too. There was a woman who was dancing quite a bit, and she was getting a lot of attention. Most of it was her generous cleavage, but she was also dressed in a long leather skirt and dancing suggestively. She gathered a lot of comments from our table, and I'm sure ours wasn't the only one. The subject of sex appeal came up because of her, and the other two women at the table with me talked about body types and age. The man at the table just listened. I can't remember what I said exactly, but it was along the lines of never having much of a chest myself unless I was fat. He then told me that he thought I was far sexier than that woman out on the dance floor. I was stunned, and I told him so. I said that the most I ever thought of myself was "cute" but never "sexy." He said he didn't know how to explain it, but he thought I had it. I don't know that I'm convinced.

John has always told me that very same thing. But, I'm married to him. We obviously had some chemistry from the very beginning, or we never would have gotten together in the first place. So I always took his opinion of me with a grain of salt. Even as we've grown used to each other over our ten years together, he still insists I have some undefined sex appeal. Though that makes me happy to hear my husband is still attracted to me like that, he's my husband. I didn't think his opinion was shared by very many, if any at all.

So now there are two� more if you count my previous relationships, though I don't even know that all of them thought I had what you would call "sex appeal." I was cute, a little na�ve, fun, maybe even pretty, but not sexy. I just don't get what these two guys are talking about, and they say they can't describe it. That just leads me to believe it's a matter of their own personal quirks, not a universal sexiness about me. There's a place in this world for everyone.

I may not believe them, but I am still flattered by it. In fact, I thought maybe I should let up on myself a little more. It made me feel good, whether there are only two guys in the world that think like they do. I haven't felt like I could be considered truly attractive to anyone, probably for about seven years. That is a serious upturn in my attitude about myself.

I can only believe that means good things for my relationship too. I know I've caused problems for us because I haven't felt good about myself. If I don't feel attractive, I clam up, and I know I give off distancing signals. It's a small problem, but it can still be a problem. That's never good.

The other problems are getting better too. I'm learning how to approach John much better, and he's doing things better too. It's all just better, better, better. Can I use that word just a little bit more, you think?

I guess it's just that I think everything is getting better. I see positive changes in all the areas of my life, and it's about time. I would like to think it's not just me, that it's going to be a better year for everyone. We all had a rough one last year. 2001 would have been the worst year of my life anyway, having to deal with my baby girl being so sick, but then there was September 11th too. It was a horrible year both personally and globally, so if my life is looking up, maybe others' lives will too. I'd like to think so.