Lost and Found

I thought I was done crying late yesterday afternoon. I thought I would stop crying last night. I thought I would be able to quit crying today. It keeps coming back. It overcomes me. Every time I hear something else, I break down. Every time I think about those people and their families, my composure disappears again.

I was not directly affected by the events that happened yesterday. I don't know anyone who lives in NYC. I do know someone in Washington DC, but I haven't talked to her in years. I know she's safe because the area of the Pentagon that was hit wasn't Air Force. I don't know anyone on any of the planes. My family and friends are all safe. I didn't lose anyone. But I still lost something. We all did.

I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said. I don't feel anything that hasn't been felt. I'm like everyone else in most ways. Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Our base feelings are all the same. I'm not the only one that, for the first time, got nervous hearing a plane overhead. I grew up next to an Air Force base and lived by one my entire life up until three years ago. Planes were a way of life for me. Yesterday, they were scary.

Part of the fear is the feeling of helplessness I have. I can give blood, but that's about all I can do. Even if I were there, what could I do? I can't bring those people back. I couldn't have prevented it. I can't go out and find the people who did it. I can't even go hide with my family in some far away place. I can't do anything to make the families of the victims feel better. I can't heal the gaping wound in our country.

I've never been to New York City. I've always wanted to go. I talked about going when I was little and still wanted to go even after my mom said she never wanted to visit there. I thought about living there when I was a teenager, like most angst-y teenagers do. I never saw New York as it stood over a day ago. I will never see that New York. That city is gone.

Everything in America changed yesterday, yet we are still the same. Those terrorists did not take away our freedom. Our spirit is still alive and well. In fact, this event could very well be the worst thing they could have done for themselves. It woke up a sleepy nation that was getting a little too secure. We're hurt, but we're still strong, maybe even stronger.