I gained weight this week but lost body fat. Turns out, I lost far weight and gained muscle weight. And that makes me happy, but I'm so programmed to think of weight only, that I'm having a hard time being entirely happy. I'm just really glad we have a body fat scale, or probably would have blown it today feeling sorry for myself. Because that's what I do, right? Forget that I'm retaining water or gaining in a good way. I wouldn't have thought of any of that. I would have thought of how I can't do it and how I always fail.

At least I never gave up.

I feel like I'm finally accepting that I'll either do it, or I won't. Nothing is going to make it easy. No one can do it for me. I make the necessary changes. Or I don't. If I change what I do, I'll change how I am. If I don't change what I do, I'll continue how I have--growing and dying.

I keep having to go to the kitchen to check cupcakes. I'm making snack for Booie's class party tomorrow.

This weekend's put a bit of a snag in things, but it's also been good for plans. I didn't write yesterday or drink all my water. I didn't write yesterday or Firday. I did get a lot done in Booie's room and the house those two days though. I also exercised, so I can't call the days failures by any means. I even woke up and stayed up at about 9 both mornings this weekend, and I've kept up with the self-care. So I think I'm a general success.

Tomorrow begins my new week, continuing good habits and more firmly planting them. I don't think I'm going to tackle anything more. I want to get better at what I started, being more complete.

I would like to do some more work on myself. I think it helps more than anything. I address the core issues when I do that. All else comes from how I believe myself to be.

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One Year Ago Today: