Just Too Tired

I have been exhausted the past couple weeks or so. I have enough energy to get through my day and get the minimum amount of work done to get me through, and then I'm pooped. I do my workouts, and that takes a lot of energy. I'm eating less, which provides less energy. I'm working more and have a lot to do, so it's all I can do to make it through the day without collapsing before dinner. I go to sleep every night before midnight, and I don't want to get up in the morning. I thought exercise and eating right was supposed to give you more energy. I have yet to see it.

Because I can't think, I haven't written. I write little blurbs over at the fitness journal, but mostly it's just a list of what I've eaten and what exercise I've done. I haven't even written anything really long over there either. I can't seem to think past getting the usual thing done that need done, figuring out what I will and won't eat and fitting my exercise in each day. It's draining! This lifestyle change business is a whole lot of work.

I haven't even been reading other journals lately. Nothing. Most of the time when I go through phases like this, I have a standard set of journals I still read, but not this time. I'm just in my own little world, and it has nothing to do with the online one. That makes me a little sad in a way. I feel like I'm missing out, but sitting in this chair just seems to wear me down even more. I can't make myself stay here longer than it takes to log in my food and exercise. I'm neglecting email to everyone, and that makes me feel like a bad person too. It's just my own real life seems to have stepped on the accelerator, and I'm just along for the ride right now.

I don't doubt that once I adjust to the changes going on, I will settle back into a better routine that includes these things I do still like to do. Now is not yet that time though. I managed to get my coffee table and dining room table unearthed, and I'm doing my best not to let them get buried again. When you're not used to doing things like that, it can be a real battle. Then there's the laundry that is starting to lag a bit after I was doing so well for about a month. I want to hurry up and get that caught back up too. I have all kinds of errands I've been doing that I put off for ages, and there's still more waiting. My procrastination has caught up with me, so I'm taking care of all of that while trying to keep up with the incoming stuff too. It's all getting to be a bit much, and I don't have my old standby comfort of food to fall back on anymore. That's probably the biggest change of all.

It might seem stupid, but all my life, I found solace in food. I think that was painfully obvious in the extra weight I've been carrying. I have no doubts it only would have gotten worse if I hadn't put a stop to it. My life in general seems to be getting a bit easier now that John isn't so consumed with the band, and the kids are getting into better after school routines, but it didn't take big problems to send me running to the cookie jar. My general feelings of low self-worth were enough to make me do that. It only added to the problem, no doubt, but I found enough immediate gratification to keep me doing it.

So now it's all about finding new ways to deal with my emotions. Writing should probably be top of the list, but it's not right now. I've narrowed my focus on my new diet (that's a lifetime diet, not a temporary one) and exercise program, and I'm really doing well so far. Once I get this down to more of a routine, I should be able to adjust other things too.

Happily, the boy child is doing well in school again. John and I are getting along. No one has been sick with more than the sniffles. My brother and his daughter are healing very well. My heart tests and blood work all came back perfectly normal. I don't have much to cause worry right now, except for the whole vacation drama, but after pitching a little email fit the other day and putting my foot down about the whole thing, that might be gone as well. My only real problem right now is not being so damn tired all the time.