I bought the tickets for this excursion (it's actually a delivery with a little play time for me, but excursion will do) back in March when ticket prices were damn low. I thought about waiting to buy the tickets. Good thing I didn't, because they haven't been below $200 since. The trip was originally planned as a visit to Kay, paid by her, but it evolved into a trip to bring Hammy to visit his father too. I decided to purchase the tickets, since I didn't expect her to front the bill for both tickets, even for a short period of time. She told me she would send me a check. It didn't happen. I had some very harsh feelings about it a month ago and mentioned it (hey, I mentioned going to Nebraska too), but I never did post what I'd written in my paper journal. So, because I'm lazy, I thought I'd post that now and add some comments to the end.

The money issue with Kay is troublesome for me. I don't feel entitled to say anything about it, even though it is clearly within my right to do so. As usual, I don't want to create a conflict. As usual, she takes advantage of my nonconfrontational nature. It was her responsibility to keep her end of an agreement, but she isn't doing it. She's leaving it up to me to ask for the money.

I'm going to Nebraska mid-June for a visit with her. She was to pay. I took advantage of the situation by having Hammy fly out with me, so he could have his visit with Steve. I reserved and paid for both our tickets, to make sure he and I would be together. She said to let her know when I did it, and she would send a check. I sent her the itinerary and price when I got the tickets and asked her later if she received the email. She had, but there hasn't been mention of the repayment since the original plan was made.

I haven't asked about it directly, and now I regret that. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she would just send a check like she said she would. That seems to be how friends would do such things. I trusted her. If she changed her mind about our agreement, something should have been said before I ordered the tickets. I feel like I've been cornered into being a bitch. I either went ahead with something she didn't really want, or I'm asking for money I obviously must not need, because I haven't mentioned it all this time. But my need shouldn't be an issue, though I have put off things and dipped into our saving a couple of times when money got low. I don't need the money, but I also didn't plan on spending it that way. Had I, I would be staying with my sister and visiting her and, especially now, my grandma. Kay would be a side visit, not the main focus. I could never justify to myself or my family buying a plane ticket to Nebraska and sending all my time with Kay. It will be hard enough even if Kay does end up paying.

Unfortunately, this is a situation where my time and attention are for sale. Dividing them has always been a problem for me, but I think I managed fairly well. There was never quite so much at stake in the past though. I rolled my visit into one economical package. I drove out. I spent at least a week. I didn't have a job. Now there is $200 to get me there, less than five days to spend, and two days of vacation from work used. My grandma is in the hospital, not getting any younger or healthier. My brother and sister live nearby. Can I really fly out there on my own dime and tell my family I don't have time for them? Not without a heavy burden on my conscience. I doubt I could have ignored them altogether without much guilt no matter who would foot the bill, but if it's my pocket getting lightened, I make the itinerary. If the trip were a gift, I would feel obligation to the giver.

This was supposed to be a gift too, which also makes me angry. I can think of many other things I would rather by myself with $200. I'd be that much closer to a down payment on a car, or I'd have the weight bench I want.

And that's where I left off, obviously intending to write more, but I think John interrupted me. That was probably for the best. I don't think writing was making me feel any better at all, just getting me more riled up.

I ended up bringing up the money on my last phone call with Kay, and she told me she fully intended to pay me and thought she would give it to me when I came out. Although that wasn't the original plan, I can see how that would make perfect sense. I just wish she would have said something about it. I quit being angry about the situation soon after I wrote that journal entry. Kay was on vacation in California to visit her in-laws, so we didn't speak for about two weeks. I decided I was fully within my rights to bring it up and did the next time we spoke. I also told her I would pay for part of the ticket, because I will be visiting with my grandma and family. I don't expect her to pay for me to do that. So we're all square again, and I'm no longer bitter.

This just proves once again that money between friends can be a very bad thing. It breaks up marriages left and right, so it only makes sense that it could be a major strain on friends as well. I'm happy it's resolved, and there was no falling out over it. I do think I will more carefully plan money situations between us in the future though.

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One Year Ago Today:
Trying Again

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