Toaster Oven Love

I own a regular toaster. It's sitting downstairs, gathering dust, awaiting my decision about whether I'm going to give it away or not. It's one of those items I'm having trouble eliminating, because I think I might need it someday. I bought the thing when I didn't want to haul my toaster oven on a camping trip that I have trouble calling camping because there was electricity involved. That's the only time it's been used, more than three years ago. I think I just made my decision.

The reason why we never use the toaster is because I bought a toaster oven as soon as I moved out of my parents' house. I considered this a necessary appliance. Ever since my aunt showed me how to make cinnamon toast where you put the butter, cinnamon and sugar on first, so they all melt together and bubble and crackle, forming a sugary crust on the bread, I knew I needed one. I don't make cinnamon toast all that often anymore, but I have the tool if I want it.

The toaster oven is bulky and ugly. There is no way to clean the thing well, and it has that big window, so you can see all the mess inside. It takes up a shitload of counter space, and you can't sit anything on top of it, because the top gets hot enough to melt a television remote. I know. I did it. The top chrome is permanently scarred with melted pieces of bread wrappers or other things that were realized too late. I won't hang it under the cabinets even though it has slots to do so ever since I saw a warning about the heat causing fires. That doesn't come as much of a surprise considering all the plastic casualties in our house. You can't leave it unattended while it's cooking, because it's a damn fire hazard, and we unplug it after each use. I'm obsessive about checking to make sure it's been unplugged. It can be a pain in the ass in a lot of ways, but the love outweighs that.

Why do I love my toaster oven so much, you might ask? There are a few reasons. First, it reheats pizza. Sure, a microwave can also reheat pizza, but that always seems to change the consistency of cheese to plastic and the crust the consistency of a damp sponge. I despise cold pizza, and I despise microwaved pizza. It's best when reheated in an oven, but since it's silly to heat the whole oven for one slice of leftover pizza, the toaster oven does a mighty fine job instead. Some pizzas even taste better the second time around, which I never thought a possibility.

I already explained the cinnamon toast factor, but there are other things that can be made on bread you just can't do in a conventional toaster. Toasted cheese sandwiches are easier than PB&J when all you have to do is slap some cheese on bread and press the "toast" button. Same goes for toasted ham and cheese. I've even made mini pizzas on pita bread. Can't do that in a toaster.

I've heard Pop Tarts don't have the same flammability factor in a toaster oven, but I don't know if that's true or not. I do know your bread doesn't get stuck in a toaster oven, so you don't have to worry about anyone being a moron and sticking something down in it and getting electrocuted. Bagels, even the evil gargantuan ones from Einstein, always fit in the toaster oven.

I've put things in a toaster oven that most people don't even bother keeping to reheat. French fries are pretty good when reheated in a toaster oven. It's no McDonald's, but it's on par or better with those frozen things you put on a cookie sheet. Chicken strips are very nice in the toaster oven too. Anything fried that has a coating that is supposed to be crispy is perfect toaster oven material. My lunch of chicken quesadillas left over from our dinner at Applebee's were near the same quality as when they were brought to our table fresh.

The last thing I really like about the toaster oven is the actual oven feature. I don't use it to cook things, because I've never had much luck with that. It always took ten years to get anything fully cooked, so I just used the regular oven for those things. It does make a great warmer. When you're like me and can't time the stuff you're cooking for shit, it can save your ass from having to eat cold chicken with steaming broccoli. I throw whatever poorly timed dish I made into the toaster oven while I finish making the rest of the food. Usually I'm so bad, the toaster oven and the microwave serve this purpose. I just can't get it together with my cooking. Good old toaster oven saves the day.

I don't worship the thing. I don't preach the joys of toaster oven ownership to others, trying to convert them. I just think it's pretty dandy, and it will be an eyesore in my kitchen until it dies.