Half Empty

I truly think I'm void of all creative thought today. I can't stop thinking about Booie's day camp I forgot about yesterday and felt too shitty to go to anyway or the messy basement that the landlord and electrician are going to see when they install the new AC line or the mounds of laundry that needs done (and happens to be laying all over the laundry room in the basement) or this or that or the other thing. I'm full-up of stuff I should be doing. I can't think of anything else. I can't be funny or entertaining or whatever it is I usually am. I don't think I'm completely over that loser feeling, and I need to forge ahead and overcome it.

I have new bruises appearing daily. I smell from all the creams I'm rubbing on my aching self. Someone told me Vicks rubbed on bruises help them heal faster. I haven't tried that one yet, because I think it's a load of crap, but I'm getting close to trying anything. I hurt. John just looks at me and sighs now.

John went to counseling yesterday. As usual, he talked himself dry in there and had nothing to say when he got home. I managed to squeeze some information out of him. There were no surprises. He has a pretty good handle on who he is. Makes sense, because his profile said his personality is very hard to change. I'm sure that explains my feelings of frustration with him as well. The doctor is not available next week, then the following two weeks, I'll be in Nebraska, so John gets to get some individual therapy for a while.

I don't think I mentioned my annual summer Nebraska trip. I would have skipped it this year, but Hammy needs to see his dad. I can't afford plane fare for three of us, and I'm not ready to let my nearly-eleven-year-old baby fly on his own, so I have to drive again. I vowed I would not drive again, but I have to. At least this way I get to take my bike as long as I get a bike rack before we leave. I have to make it a point to do that. We'll be going to Colorado where my parents live for a few days too, so I should be able to get some challenging riding in there. I'm looking forward to it. I look forward to seeing my family too, and it's always nice to get away from home for a while. I hate that I have to go without John though. He doesn't have even a day of vacation or sick leave left, so there's no choice. Besides the drive itself, that's the only thing that sucks about this trip.

There, I managed to think of a couple things to say, and I didn't have to rely solely on the picture of my roses. But aren't they pretty after the rain like that?