When You Have Insomnia...

• Your bed will feel like the very face or our sun, or...
  
• You will question if "Arctic Tundra" is a setting on the thermostat.
  
• Your sleep apnea plagued spouse will snore/breath loudly/stop breathing when you are on the very verge of dreamland.
  
• Your dog will dream run and woob (that close-mouthed sleep woof dogs do), causing a horrible racket.
  
• You will think of every last task you need to do that cannot be done in the middle of the night only to forget the next day because you're tired.
  
• Your sense of smell is amplified exponentially, and that unscented lotion sure stinks.
  
• Showers at night will freshen and energize you while...
  
• Showers in the morning relax and soothe you to sleep when you need to be awake.
  
• You realize you can fall asleep while sitting.
  
• Dreams you do manage to have are so freaky and/or horrorific, you're too nervous to sleep anymore.
  
• The cats will exhibit theyir best stampeding moose impersonations.
  
• Everyone calls at 9 AM.
  
• People around you part like the Red Seas for Moses because your reputation for crabby is getting around.
  
• Chocolate is your best friend and worst enemy.
  
• You regret going off caffeine.
  
• You burn through two Mighty Bright Book Light bulbs in two weeks.
  
• The kids will feel the need to ask permission for every damn thing they do. (Hey Mom... can I breathe?)
  
• Everyone will need to repeat everything they say a minimum of three times before you can fully comprehend what they are saying.
  
• You regret not saving those cat tranquilizers.
  
• Comas sound inviting.