I'm getting better. I didn't think I could without knowing John would stay. Talking with people has helped. Reading helped. Thinking even helped. I realized, no accepted, I am not in control. I've also done so many of the things I was working to quit doing. I was critical and blaming and thinking I knew best. I put myself in John's place, and I realized I wouldn't like me either. I have to stop trying to bully him to do what I want. If anything, I have only driven him further away. So no more pushing. It's time to do what's best and focus on me, pick up where I left off, and make myself better. I can be happy again. I'm actually excited about my life outside my marriage. I truly believe I am going to get in really great shape and look fantastic. I'm already doing many things to take better care of myself and look better. I care about how I look and what I wear. I think I'm looking pretty damn good.

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One Year Ago Today: