Missing Hammy

I just sent a birthday present to my own son. It doesn't seem right. It felt so very wrong to address something to him with my old married name plus our own last name. I wrote more in his birthday card than the usual "I love you" because I'm not going to see him that day. I suffered through thirty-seven hours of labor for that child, and he's 1000 miles away from me. I hate that.

If anyone has ever wanted to catch me on AOLIM before, now is the time. I spend hours on there, waiting to see if my sweet, little Hammy will show up. I miss him every time. There is apparently no psychic connection between this mother and child. When he is on, I'm not. When I am on, he is not. The other day, his cousin here was telling me about how she talked to him on IM, and I wanted to cry. I'd been on quite a bit that day and got my very first journal-related message (Hi Kim!), but I never saw my Hammy. Is it just not meant to be?

It's not like I'm doing anything special here. Today I had to get back to the usual chores, and it was no fun at all. It's hotter than hell too. I can take heat pretty well most of the time, but when the wind feels like you opened the oven door, that's just yuck. I got cooked like bacon yesterday at the baseball game, making me even less tolerant of this wretched weather. I've become soft. I used to make fun of John's family for moaning over their lower 90s. But I have a little bit of a sunburn, and I miss my Hammy, dammit.

Booie and I will be getting in the pool soon. I didn't want to go when the sun was high, because of the aforementioned sunburn. No need to make things worse. The pool looks to be in good shape after my absence, but I can't say as much for my flowers, or the lawn. All my flowers that haven't been around for at least a year are brown and crispy. The lawn is starting to look much the same way. I asked John if he knew what a hose was. He claimed that he did. Maybe he doesn't know how things grow. He did skip an awful lot of school.

I thought about buying more flowers when I was out to the Post Office and grocery store today, but I wasn't in much the mood to take care of anything besides me and the girl today. Maybe after Ham's birthday, I'll feel like digging in the dirt again, or maybe I'll still be too lazy and sad. If the weather cools off as expected, there is hope. I have lots of other things to keep me busy though, like worrying about being a college student again.