I feel left out of John's life in many ways. We've had some intimacy the past couple days, which eases my mind some. What's left is still strange and distant. He pays little attention to me or even the kids. I've been doing what I can to relieve what stress I can, but his interaction is rare and mechanical. He's like a shell.

He sent an email today saying he's sorry, and he's just sorting things out. He has a lot of mental and emotional issues he needs to work through, but he doesn't say what they are. He wrote a letter to his biological father, but I don't know if he ever sent it and what kind of grief that may be causing or will cause. Mostly, he just tells me he's unhappy and has to figure things out, which provides me no comfort at all.

He went to get his hair cut at his mom's. Acutally, he just walked in the door as I wrote that. I'm glad he made it back for Survivor. It's something we all do together, and even though it's really not quality time, it's still family time. Booie has been missing him and complaining of his absences. Interestingly, he hasn't been gone much. I guess she feels his emotional distance as much as I do.

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One Year Ago Today: