100% Crappy

I have felt so awful the past few days. At first I blamed it on my period. Then I blamed it on my fight with John. Then I felt good for a day and figured I was out of the woods. Yesterday, I woke up feeling like I hardly slept at all, and after I got the kids off to school, I lay back down to read and fell asleep until almost noon. I dragged around the house until the kids got back home, and then I lay down again for another couple hours. I felt crummy all evening long. This morning, I woke up feeling better than yesterday, but I still feel like something is siphoning all my energy from me, and it won't be long before I have to lie down again. I'm really not liking this.

I know what I have to do. I have to do the thing I do not like to do. I have to make an appointment to see the doctor. Man, I just hate going to the doctor so much. It's been a year and a half since both my regular physical and my GYN exam. I'm being such a very bad girl. I don't want to go to the doctor though. I don't like them. I don't. I don't. I don't. I regress thirty years at the mere mention of "doctor."

The big reason I don't want to go is because I feel stupid. It's not like I have a broke my arm or a sore throat or something tangible. I just feel bad. I get headaches and feel like someone filled my body with cement. I sleep too much. My spine feels like it got scrunched down too far, like one of those bendy straws before it gets bent. My bendy straw needs stretched out. Sometimes I feel like I can't get enough oxygen. It's not like I want to pant or breathe hard or anything. I have to take these big, deep breaths, so I can quit feeling like I'm slowly smothering. Imagine describing all of this to a doctor. What is he supposed to do with that? He'll do another thyroid screen and order other blood tests, but I don't know what else he can do. Maybe he can crack open my skull, stir things around a bit up there, and close it back up. It sounds about as good a solution as any right now.

I have to do something, and obviously whatever I'm doing isn't working. We're all getting tired of laundry and dishes piling up because of it. I can't avoid it any longer. I'll go make my phone call and lie down again. I have to take Booie and another Brownie to Build-a-Bear after school, so I need to get some rest while I can.