Will I Be Ready?

I rode for an hour and ran a half-mile today. I would have ran more if it weren't for the kids coming home from school. I feel like I'm getting better, but I don't think there's any way I can get better fast enough� at least not as much better as I would like. I got off my bike less than every before today, but I'm still getting off. I'm not riding trails that are as hard as the ones I will be riding race day. The logs I'm able to get over without getting off and walking on my regular trails are nothing compared to the countless rocks. I wanted to go up there a few more times, but several things have prevented me from doing that, not the least of which is buying this house. I'm now doubting I'll make it through six hours of racing. I can do two hours of exercise, but can I multiply that by three? Possibly more?

Now this is causing problems between John and me. We argued about my training this weekend. We talked about our argument in counseling yesterday. I feel like he's being negative and unsupportive while he feels he's trying to help. As this draws closer, and I worry more and more, the last thing I need is him pressuring me to go out and telling me I haven't gone enough. I'm insecure enough as it is.

My insecurity is showing in my increased junk food consumption. I was doing really well for a while in avoiding junk food. In fact, I was kind of avoiding food altogether, which might be another reason I'm eating the junk now. I know myself enough to know the main reason I'm eating the junk is for comfort. I have to find comfort from other sources, especially now. This crappy food is doing nothing but hurting my efforts, yet I continue to eat it, because I'm not getting what I need anywhere else.

I really need my best friend here with me right now.