Just Dandy

I'm on hold right now with our insurance company to get some marriage counseling approved. John and I decided we need a little communication schooling before one or both of us even start having inklings about divorce. Take care of things before they get out of control, right? I felt like a big failure at first, but now I feel mostly good about it. I still have reservations. After being through a few marriage counselors to no avail because my ex didn't like the focus of the sessions being on him, I have my doubts about the effectiveness of this. But this marriage isn't that marriage. It's not even close. In fact, I don't like even putting them in the same sentence.

Having had such a good few days makes the counseling seem awfully unnecessary right now, but rather than assume yet again everything is ok, we are still going. The issues that give me all those horrible feelings are the same things that crop up each time. We are obviously not resolving them completely. I don't think we're going to fix everything. Every relationship has its issues, but we can communicate more clearly and effectively, so feelings aren't being hurt so often and so deeply. So this is a good thing. This is a good thing. This is a good thing.

That must be why we haven't told anyone about it. I called Kay earlier, but she wasn't home. I don't have a problem telling her, and I probably won't have a problem telling my own parents, but telling John's parents kind of scares me. Maybe we won't. I don't know. His mom might worry a lot, and I'd rather avoid that. It's not important that we tell everyone; at least I don't think so. It's not like we're having a baby or something [insert hysterical laughter here]. Sometimes you keep secrets to avoid hassle and worry. This may be one of those cases. I'm so pleased with our status right now I don't want to do anything to taint that.

We had a really good few days. It's been busy like the past month, but it was better. John was a more aware and accommodating of my feelings, and I wasn't so grumpy. Why it can't always be like that, I don't know. I got to go out this weekend, and we had fun. Some of our financial troubles eased up too, and that always makes for happier people. If only John didn't have a pinched nerve in his shoulder, it would have been right near a perfect weekend.

Weekends like that make it a lot easier for me to be useful when it comes time to work again. I already started chores today, and I don't dread anything. Ok, maybe I dread laundry, but that's like saying the sky is blue. I always dread laundry. I even have to go buy tires for the truck today, and I don't dread that. I usually loathe those kinds of tasks. I'm even thinking about washing and cleaning out the truck. That is a sure sign of a very productive me. I just have to be careful not to burn myself out and end up being a stump the rest of the week.

And here I could have talked about the meat market bar where I went to see the band play. Maybe later. I don't get out much, so that was quite an experience for me. But I can't talk about it now. The productive me hears the dryer buzzing.