Run, run,� but I'm no Gingerbread Man

Yesterday, I got my second day of walking/running done, and besides the shin splints that always crop up when I walk or run seriously, I feel pretty good. I'll have to do some more stretching to get rid of that shin problem. I always have a worse time doing the stretching like I'm supposed to do. I think it's an accomplishment to be doing what I'm doing at least. The shin pain will definitely make me stretch, so I'm not worried.

That only makes Day 4 of my training, and I already have doubts running through my head faster than I was running myself. It's probably because I can't run very fast or very long that I have such doubts. I've never been much of a runner. I used to run faithfully almost every day during my short stint in college. A nice indoor running track makes it a little easier as does a very tempting wet sauna. Breeding ground for all kinds of bacteria, I know, but damn, I love those things. I'd rather have one of those in my house than a hot tub. Anyway, I started questioning my ability to complete the approximately eight miles of trail running in this adventure race. I know I don't have to run the whole thing, but I don't want to be the one holding the team back either. That's where my fears take off. I feel like I'm going to be the one dragging everyone down the whole way. I'd probably even get us lost, and I have a sense of direction better than anyone I know. That's how much self-doubt I have right about now. It's so early in my training, and I'm already high on discouragement. This can't be a good sign.

I'm working through it. I did work through it. It helps to know there is someone else out there depending on me to do this. I've committed. Sure, I could back out if I wanted to, but I really don't want to. The negative little voice in my head seems to think I should, but that voice only ends up leaving me exactly where I don't want to be. I'm not just working toward a goal of being in an adventure race but of overcoming all this negative self-talk, all the bad beliefs I have about myself. This is a much bigger mountain to climb than I really contemplated, not that I don't want to climb it. I think this is exactly what I need to push me through it. It needs to be big to make me do it.

Today is a real rest day; no walking or anything. That's probably a good thing, considering there's some snow headed our way, and I'm feeling what could most closely be described as shitty (headcold still). We'll see what that amounts to. I'm thinking I will pick up yoga again, and I can do that today. The stretching can do me well.

I'll see if I can get the basement tour done tomorrow. The AR was weighing heavily on my mind, and I never did say I even started training, so it was time for an update.