I feel like the countdown officially begins to get below 200, and if today's weigh-in is any indication, I'll be well below. Like yesterday, the number wavered between 202 and 201.5, but this time it stayed on the lower. I felt heavy this morning too, but that may have been the headcold that came on last evening. I slept crummy and felt crummy. Still feel crummy as a matter of fact. So I don't know if it's that or th dread that I'd be heavier than yesterday that made me feel like lead this morning. But it turned out well, and if I keep at it, I'll crush my goal.
First, my sights are set on the race this next Sunday. I should be running today, and my shins feel good today too. But this cold doesn't, so I don't know if I'll manage a run, or even a walk. I thought if my legs were good, I'd run today and Tuesday and go easy the rest of the week.
iShape has me going easy anyway, not even working out today. Of course, it doesn't know I'm doing a 5K next Sunday. There's no way to set that up. I wish there was, but I'll take a fuctional site over another disastrous upgrade. Way back when it was Asimba, you could use a training program for your workout schedule, but I haven't seen how Weider has used much of anything that was Asimba. I sure miss that site. You can't find as much great, free information on training anymore. But the Internet has changed. Big business changes everything, for better or worse. As I see it, usually worse.
But I was talking about my 5K and preparations. I am more nervous than I've ever been, even before my first 5K, for which I didn't train at all. That was the Great RAce 5K, and I ran the whole thing. Only time I've done that, but my other two races were both Race for the Cure with its brutal, long uphill start and various other hills, including the nasty serpentine. Lots of ugly in that race course. And there's lots of ugly in my condition this year. All I can do is my best, stick to training for once and do better next time.
So far, I have been sticking with it, exercising since the beginning of March at least three times a week and since the second week of January if I hadn't taken off two weeks in February (the first and last). Even with those weeks off, I stuck to it, getting back after having a couple rough spells. Other down times sent me off into lazy-land. I'd spin off, telling myself I'd never do it, that I always failed. I wouldn't even go just 10-20 minutes per day, thinking it just wasn't enough. All-or-nothing thinking has stopped me dead so many times over the years, trying to attain that impossible perfection. I think I've finally come to accept something is better than nothing. I may never reach my goal, but I can't just give up either. That doesn't mean I'm not going to keep working toward my goal. BUt I can accept doing better rather than best. Better is much better than nothing.
The other thing I've stuck to better than I can ever remember doing is strength training. I don't know that I've ever done it so long, and I have some really great muscle tone developing. I add push-ups to all my assigned strength exercises, and I increased to a second set. I've been doing ten for the first set since I started and added the second set of eight, since I couldn't manage more than ten on that first set yet.
For some reason, doing push-ups and pull-ups are the ultimate proof of strength to me. I have to lose quite a few pounds to do any pull-ups. I can't mover more than an inch when I've tried it, and I don't know that that's not just a momentum thing, even though I really think I'm not doing anything to assist myself. I might do better if I tried on an actual bar instead of the I-beam of the house int he basement. I keep thinking I should do assistend pull-ups using a chair to at least build thos muscles. Maybe I should quit thinking and start doing. It will be a day of celebration when I do that first pull-up. I fell like once I can do that, I'll finally be able to seriously consider doing adventure racing again.
3:54 p.m. - More Boring Analyzation
If I keep up on my one pound per week rate of weight loss, I'll be in the high 180s by my second 5K and low 180s when I want to do the 10K. Not sure if that will be low enough to pound out 6.2 miles. I guess I'll just have to see how my knee is doing then. I may have built enough strength or lost more weight, so it won't be an issue. I did do the first 5K when I was in the high 180s with no issues, so we'll see.
I did decide not to work out today. I got dizzy a couple times just from standing up, so I figured walking, and definitely running, would be a bad idea. I sure hope I'm better tomorrow. Even if I'm not though, I really want to make sure I'm better for next Sunday. If I have to take it easy all week, so be it. This rotten timing to get sick, not that there's ever a good time.
It will sure be nice to wear my wedding ring again. It will be nice to wear a lot of things again. It will also be nice not to wear some other things ever again except maybe for one of those look-how-much-smaller-I-am-now pictures. I'll keep one pair of jeans for that. Everything else is being given away.
I have to say, that treadmill seems to be just the boost I needed. I do feel guilty about it too. It's more debt we didn't need. We blew not only our tax return but John's bonus. That was supposed to pay for the tread. John wanted to go with the interes-free financing though, and as usual, I said OK. Then I said OK when he wanted a new laptop. At least that was paid with cash, though he attempted to get a Best Buy account to pay for that too. Fortunately that was denied. Our previous laptop did essentially die, but the only thing the new one gets used for is John's bad. I don't consider that a necessity. It doesn't matter what I say though. I got my tread, and he holds it over my head.
I have a lot of resentment about our finances. He seemt o have a lot of denial. And I also think he resents me for not working, even though Hammy is doing way better because of it. John ignores money problems the way he ignores me. He always says it's fine, even though things are getting paid late. He keeps spending like we have it, the same thing he says his dad does. I don't have to wonder where he learned it.
Sadly, that's the case for too many things. He's stand-offish with the kids, especially Hammy. He's really hard on Hammy when he does interact with him. He doesn't handle money well and gets things he can't affor and doesn't compromoise on things he should. He doesn't participate, doesn't show emotion but anger, and doesn't take responsibility for anything. He's very immature.
I guess I'm holding out hope the counseling will help. And I'm compromising. I couldn't stay home with my kids without him. But it seems to be getting to the point where I won't be able to stay home with him. Then what? Do I keep hoping for the counseling? How many times have I heard not to expect your spouse to change? Will the hope hold out only as long as the compromise works for me? I'm not sure.
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One Year Ago Today:
