John and I have done so well the past couple days. I have done so well. I'm happier, more positive. Heck, I'm downright joyous. I forgot what it feels like. I'm pleasant too. It's quite amazing. People might actually like to be around me if I keep this up, which leads to my new worry--how do I keep this up? I know it's unreasonable to think I could be this way all the time. I would like it more though, and ultimately most of the time. So far, I'm not fretting about it too much, but I find myself thinking about it more and more.

John is out with Jim again, and I'm just fine with it tonight. That has a lot to do with my shiny, new attitude. I still wish John would try to erase all the bad stuff he said about us to Jim by telling him how great I am and how he was just in a down mood, but that is definitely a drea. I hate that I feel like a raving bitch. I want to be the perfect wife that other men wish they had, yet I don't want to have to fit the perfect wife mold. In other words, I want John to tell, even exaggerate, all the good things about me. I want John to think I'm perfect. At least once in a while. And at least for him.

I did bust my flabby fanny to start looking better. I did an advanced Tae-Bo tape with quite a few modifications, and then I still did 36 minutes on the tread, making up for missing Monday. I joined a challenge issued by one of the girls in the weight loss group online, so I felt the need to get off to a good start, especially when I gained a pound since last week. That is not the right direction. I don't feel resentment now when I think about John benefitting from my weight loss. I thought that might help me shed some pounds, but I guess two days isn't long enough to tell.

My head has been hurting since late this afternoon while I was out shopping with MIL. It got worse this evening. I took some aspirin, and it's not one of the killer headaches. It is stubborn though. Prevents me from sleeping too, along with John's absence.

I hope he's home soon. He wanted to be home by 1:00, but that doesn't seem likely now. I think his brother was going to meet them, so that coud make John stay longer, even though this is his third late night in a row. I miss him. It's been sad going to be by myself so much. I really appreciate how much time he spends with me in the evenings after not having him these three days. I can see he really has been working at it. That makes me wish he was here all the more.

I feel in love with him again. I never stopped loving him, but I wasn't always in love with him. It's nice to feel that again. I wonder how he's feeling.

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One Year Ago Today: