Not only did I do my treadmill time, I ran for three sets of four minutes, even going five miles per hour on the last one. I ran about four minutes yesterday--jogged very slowly actually. I did it just to keep my heart rate up at first, but I felt fine and just kept going. Today, it was intervals, and it was easier to run than to increase the incline a bunch. Now that I'm under 200 again, I figure I can do some running. Then I will be ready to train for that half marathon. That will officially start in January. I'm really looking forward to it now. Working up to running, doing this the right way, is so much better than rushing and overdoing it. No wonder that's recommended.

After working out, I still felt kind of blechy. I took a shower, then lay in the bath and listened to the Damien Rice album I bought Friday. I don't know why I listen to melancholy music when I'm sad. Seems like the wrong thing to do when I think about it, but I know it's not unusual. Maybe sad music helps drain it out. Some anyway. I'm still a little blue.

John came home during my bath, and when I was done, wanted to watch the race. Now he's doing computer stuff--email, fantasy sports. He didn't want to watch anymore TV, though the Tivo has a few hours on it. He told me to watch something, as if watching TV is what I really want to do. I want to spend some time with him, but I didn't say it. I suppose I hopled he would want to spend time with me. I should have just said something. I will have to if I want him to talk to me, or he will keep himself busy unti he's ready for bed.

I am nervous about asking him to talk to me. It always makes him feel pressured. I hate that. He hasn't given much of a chance since I've been working to be calmer and more positive. I want to have discussions. I know he will nto be comfortable for a long time, if ever, but he will be more at ease if we can talk without arguing or descending into emotional havoc. I don't trust that he will ever be ready and come to me to talk. I hate to think that he will never feel comfortable with me again, but there are indications he has walled me off in ways that won't come back easily. He talks to other people, even people he doesn't know well, more than he talks to me. He can't even chat about trivial stuff most of the time with me. When I said that after his dinner with Rhonda, he said it bothered him too, but he doesn't have any reasons or seem to want to fix it. I guess that's a good counseling subject.

---------------------------------------------

One Year Ago Today: