I really don't know what to say. I tried writing on the computer. That didn't work. I feel sick. If I had anything in my stomach, I'm pretty sure I'd throw up.

I went and wrote him a message. He probably won't respond before he leaves. He has a hockey draft at 4:00. I just can't help feeling it's over; telling him I can't accept Rhonda as his friend will be the end of it. I just have to wait for him to come home now. I don't know what that will bring. Maybe the end. I doubt he will understand why Rhonda is a threat. I doubt he will change his mind.

I don't know what to do. Right now, it's a matter of "wait and see" or end it myself and not leave it up to him. But I don't want it to end, so I guess it's wait and see. But in the meantime, what am I supposed to do with myself? I don't want to do anything at all but try and save my marriage--something that's out of my hands. I don't feel like eating or taking care of the house or working out or anything. Maybe I'll look for my wedding ring some more. Finding that would give me some hope.

3:57 p.m.

As expected, he didn't write back. I'm thinking he's disappointed. He things he needs this friendship, and I told him I can't do that. I suppose it is an ultimatum in a way. It definitely tells him he needs to make a decision rather than having it both ways.

If he really needed friendship, he would talk to Beatty or Jim or even his brother. He believes he needs a friendship with her though, someone he really doesn't know, someone he's thought of romantically nearly his whole life. I wish he could see it has nothing to do with friendship.

I hurt so much right now. If I didn't have my kids, I would die.

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One Year Ago Today: