I'm feeling sorry for myself amidst all of this. I got better too late. What brought me understanding was probably the act of him breaking. One of those painful ironies. Not to mention karma is biting hard right now.

There wasn't any former love of my life looming when I threatened to leave or told him I was unsure. I never said I'd ask someone out if I weren't married. What should stop him is that there is no one else for him. But he doesn't feel that. He has feelings for her. He can talk to her. He has a history with her that he has idolized in his mind for years. I could deal with all our issues a little better if Rhonda's shadow weren't cast over us.

I sent a message to Katie who hasn't replied. I feel so desperate and was compelled to reach out. Then I got an actual response from John, and I felt a little better but not a whole lot. He still insists this need for friendship and talks about how she's special to him. I can't accept anything between them now. I can't say he can never be friends with her, but I can't do that anytime soon. If he has to nurture this friendship with her, then he has to leave me. I can't deal with it. Honestly, I don't think he is admitting what a threat this is to us. Or at least he doesn't admit it out loud. I always knew when I was in that position myself. I also know there was no convince me of anything. I feel he's the same way.

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One Year Ago Today: