I don't have a whole lot to say. I've spent my day moaning about how achy I am from doing weights on Tuesday and trail running/walking yesterday. I also starting reading my next book, which is making me cry about every 10-20 pages, and though that might sound bad, it's not.
So what is it that has me all weepy on a beautiful Spring day? The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I head about this book from various places, including BookCrossing, but I always hesitated buying it. It wasn't yet in paperback, and I didn't want to spend the money. It's not that I didn't think I'd like it. I've just taken to buying paperbacks, so I have the ability to part with them when I'm done. I haven't released a book in ages, and I'd really like to start doing that again. But I was desparate for a book, and I didn't feel like taking a shot in the dark, so I bought The Silmarillion, which I just finished rereading, and The Lovely Bones. And now that I started reading it, I don't want to put it down. I thought about it the whole time I worked out, and I'm thinking about it now. To say it's haunting is more descriptive than you might think.
This book also makes me want to write again. For real, not this journal crap. The novel I started for NaNoWriMo two years ago isn't just like The Lovely Bones, but this book does remind me of my own story. I never finished my novel. I wrote the required 50K and never touched the thing again. Now I hate it. I hate everything I wrote, and I think I did a terrible disservice to my idea. I have to try again. I have a great concept but no real characters, no real story. Those are kind of necessary when you want to write a novel.
I was thinking about my book before I even picked this one up, so I suppose it was on my mind anyway. Then to have something brush past it like that... well, it just stirred up the dream again. I'm even thinking about taking writing classes.
This always happens to me though. Whenever I finally decide that I know what I wnat to do, one of the other loves of my life whispers in my ear. Is it really just a matter of picking one and sticking with it? Or am I on the wrong track? As much as I enjoy my job and physiology and all that stuff, I dread the idea of eight or more years of school. And all that debt. I won't even qualify for financial aid with the kind of money John and I make together, so I'll have to pay for school out of my own pocket, which means it will take even longer.
I am such an example of what not to do with your life. Don't piss away a full ride scholarship. Don't drop out of school for your social life or your pregnancy. Don't marry someone you know you don't want to marry, even if your parents will think you the worst child ever. Don't put off going back to school. Don't let go of what you really want to do because it's not practical or "wasting your potential." Don't, don't, don't. Don't be like me. My life isn't awful by any means, but it could be so much better had I not lived by what I thought everyone thought of me or what they said about me or what they told me was best.
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One Year Ago Today:
Things That Make Me Happy
