The last two RSVPs for Booie's party called one right after the other, and both can make it! I was so happy! Booie told the last girl that called, "I'm shaking with excitement." Sometimes her drama is just cute. So the party isn't going to be a total failure. Unless my house is a dump, but then it would just be me that's upset. Booie could live in a literal dump and be fine. The girl just doesn't care about messes. Anyway, I am very relieved she will have more than one friend for her birthday.

Back on the depression front, John has paid little attention to me today. He's busy writing movie treatments all day, which is exactly what we talked about last night--how he does everything he wants to do and "forgets" his family, marriage, and household responsibilities. It's four in the afternoon, and he's barely talked to me but to ask for advice for these movie ideas. I really do want to see him succeed, and he was getting as much done as possible for Big Producer to take to LA at the end of the monht. But he had planned on going to his everyday job until we argued until 1:00 AM last night. He wouldn't have been writing treatments at work, so it's really irritating that it's the first thing he's done here. We specifically discussed how he had all weekend to pull out the tacking strips from where I tore up some carpet in the living room, He agreed to it early Saturday afternoon. He finally started it just now. (Actually, I found out Hammy ended up doing it.)

The real issue isn't the dumb floor though. It's how he truly behaves as if last night never happened. Except that he is doing the job now. But as far as acting like he's sorry for putting everything he wants to do before me and what I want, well, I didn't ask for any movie treatments. He didn't say hello or good morning. He hasn't sat with me at any time. He never asked how I'm doing. He didn't even say he hadn't forgotten about the things I asked and would take care of them later, or ask if I cared. He's oblivious to me, which is exactly the problem that started the argument yeseterday. He can't even pretend I matter. I'm sure he will be completely shocked when I bring this up too. Or he'll get huffy about "needing time."

I have done a lot of cleaning and laundry though, so that's another good thing. Cleaning is always more appealing when I'm angry. I often end up in a worse mood, because I get irked by what pigs everyone is, but I stayed in my room most of the time, cleaning my own mess. And I have become less anal about the pigginess of everyone else too. I still get peeved, but I'm not Queen Crab whenever I clean either. I try to focus on the end result and create organization that will work for everyone. Then I'll have less to do next time.

Including what I've done today, I have made advances in digging out of the heap. It is a big relief to make even small progress. I forgot to take pictures again. It's so much more fun when I do. I suppose tomorrow will do just as well.

Hammy was home late from band today due to a fundraiser meeting. I like having him home, so I was glad to see him. Then we argued about where the money earned from the fundraiser bonus would go, and I was feeling angry and rotten once again. He thought he should get to spend the money while I thought it should go tward his trip in two years. Of course, now he isn't going to want to do it, even though I said we could find some kind of compromise. It's very disappointing that we spent $900 to send him to Florida this year, and he can be so ungrateful. John and I raised most of the money he did earn through fundraising last year too. He didn't even do some of the fundraising that was available. But he's mad at me now. I know he's a selfish teenager, but it's still sad that he has that little appreciation. I think he won't be going on the next trip unless it's covered by his fundraising.

I hope something else that will make me feel better is coming up next and last. Since the day started off crappy, it should end well. John coming in here and talking to me would help. Him being nice to me all evening would be great, abut that's like expecting the dog to quit shedding.

I'd really like to sit here and sulk until I'm rescued from this foul mood, but I have to figure out what to do for dinner. I haven't been to the store because John told me we were too broke to go shopping. There isn't anything to eat around here though, so we've been going out. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either, but I have enough things on my mind with John right now, so I'll just let this dumbass logic go. It saves me cooking, but I am pretty sick of eating out too. And I refuse to eat any more pizza. Nothing at all sounds appealing to eat right now, not even homemade. Between cleaning and being crabby, I don't have an appetite. While that's cause for celebration, I know I'll be a bottomless pit later if I don't eat dinner. And the kids will soon be griping, so I suppose I need to figure out what to do or corner John with it.

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One Year Ago Today: