In my efforts to make something of myself, I did some research in getting educated in being a trainer. I found Pitt offers Exercise Science and some other applicable focuses. I sent for an appointment with an advisor. Tomorrow I will get my transcripts sent; something I never did last time when I had the opportuntiy to apply for free. One of those mistakes made out of fear and insecurity. Not this time though. I'm going to do it. The advisor should be able to help me get financial aid and point me in the right direction for scholarships. I'm really looking forward to this now.

One thing I can do and do really well is school. I'm much better at many other things now too, but school is my comfort zone for me--one of which I deprived myself, mostly because of finances. With Hammy approaching his own college years (maybe), I felt guilty of even thinking about racking up a bill of my own. We haven't saved anything for either of our kids, and I'm often torn about that. In ways, I feel it's my duty to provide a college education to my kids, but I also feel it's their responsibility. I didn't get it from my parents, and I don't resent them for that. I had a great opportunity when I received a full scholarship, which I pissed away and often mention as my biggest regret. But I did earn that scholarship and knew I needed it in order to go to school. Hammy doesn't seem to care a whole lot and isn't even sure he wants to go to school. I am sure and now that I know what I want to pursue, it won't feel like an expensive hobby. I just have to hope that when I'm done, I will make enough to pay off the loans and still making a living.

I'm going to take it really slow at first--maybe one or two classes. I want to ease back into it and not put too much of a burden on the family. Going slowly will give me more time to get in better shape too, so I won't be too self-conscious. I'm getting better about htat, but I also know we still live in a world of appearances. Not to forget it's been a while since I went to school, and even if I'm naturally good at it, I'll still be a little rusty. Yay for Continuing Studies for people like me! At this point though, I'm ready to go in with the 18-year-old freshmen and do this. I just want to do it.

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One Year Ago Today: