It's been a pretty crummy day for me. I'm very very tired. Haven't been sleeping well at all. Things with John aren't any easier. He tells me goodbye when he leaves, hello when he comes home, and goodnight when he goes to bed. I haven't heard "I love you," in days and don't remember the last time he said it not in response to me saying it. I miss him.

11:27 p.m. - When Did It Change?

I used to be good enough. I used to be able to make him happy. He wanted to be around me, at least once in a while. I know I haven't been easy, but I've been so much worse than I am now. Yet now is when he finds he may want to give up. Why can't he see we can have such a happy future? All those not-so-good years, and he never had doubts. Let him see how much better it can be.

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One Year Ago Today: