My Notify List link works now, if that matters to anyone.

I'm in a bit of a bad mood and don't know why. Could be that John and I haven't done a darn thing. I didn't have any expectations of him at all. I think I'm just generally unhappy that it hasn't been a special day in any way. We didn't plan anything, aren't exchanging gifts, haven't given cards, and I haven't even made or bought one to give. Both of us are so lame.

On the personal accomplishments front, I am plowing through some laundry. I started late and haven't done much, but it is going. Besides picking Hammy up and getting some lunch, that's all I've done today. Lack of productivity doesn't help my mood.

Speaking of which, Hammy has been a bit crabby too. He didn't go to sleep til late, and I'm sure he didn't sleep well even though he claims eight hours. He's rubbed me the wrong way a couple times. He did finish off a load of luandry that was in the dryer though, and he's doing his chores.

John suggested a movie. Sounds good to me, and I'll get popcorn. That's even better.

10:45 p.m. - Like Parent, Like Child

Both of my kids are like me and can't leave a situation for what it is. One bad thing turns into a huge ordeal that has no hope of resolution because they are the stupidest people in the world. What a wonderful legacy. But how do I ever teach them differently myself. I'm working at being better, but it's not exactly a fast process. In the meantime, they learn to feel crappy about and self-sabotage themselves. It would be so great if they knew John and I are examples of what not to do.

John and I got home at the kids' bedtime, and I put Booie to bed after putting fresh linens on her bed. Her room is a disaster because she hasn't kept up on it. I told her she would have to clean tomorrow and expressed my disappointment in its upkeep. We talked about how to fix it, and it seemed she was better. But when I brought a pillow to her later, she told me there was nothing wrong when there obviously was. I had to pull it out of her for what seemd a half hour but was probably half that. Still a very long time. Finally she told me tearfully that she doesn't want to leave us. I swear she just made it up so she wouldn't be harping about her room some more and to get sympathy, but I addressed it anyway. Once we talked through that, it was how she doesn't like it when we leave. I'm sure that only became an issue because she was looking for it too, and this time, I called her on it. I explained how if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it and that trouble finds you enough without having to look for it. I said she just needed to clean the rooma nd let that be what it was. She's a good kid. She'll do just fine. I'll help her made a list, so she can tackle it and get it done. Then it will be over, and it has nothing to do with leaving us or us going out once in a while. I suggested she focus on the positives, and she seemed OK. It held at least until I brought "little blankie" to her about ten minutes later. Maybe I got somewhere.

I'm still anxious and a little irritated. Things like that don't help. Being human can be so darn hard. It's so complicated, and parenting makes it worse. We dont' have to just each our kids how to not get eaten by lions or where to find the best grass. There's all this social and psychological stuff. I certainly don't understand it all. It's crazy, but I suppose it's better than getting killed by a pack of wolves or starving to death. Animals might have simpler lives, but they might not be better. I would suppose they aren't exactly aware of it though. They have their "this sucks" and "this rocks" moments, and then they're gone. Being a pet might be pretty great though, depending on the owner. Not like any of this matter though. I'm a dopey human, and I'm a mom. I got the full insanity package.

While I'm on that subject, I just have to say Tom Cruise is a big flaming asshold. He and his Brave New World. He can bite my ass. He's doing a huge disservice to people who feel guilty enough for being a failure as a mother or even life in general. He obviously has no clue bcause of his privileged life and lottery genes. If Scientology were so fantastc, it would have taken over the world by storm because it would work. But it doesn't, and people that live in the world of science look for real answers that help people. Fucking holier than though Scientologist sheep. I lost every ounce of respect I ever had for him. I never loved or adored him anyway. I wouldn't call myself a fan of his at any time. But I am now firmly in the dislike, maybe even despise, crowd. Brave New World indeed.

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One Year Ago Today: