Flags, Colors and Candles

Today was declared a National Day of Prayer as well as Flags Across America. I sent my kids to school today in red, white, and blue like the note that was sent home asked us to do. Both kids wanted to wear the colors. I wasn't forcing them to do so. It was their choice, and they wanted to do it. In fact, when I put Booie in a red shirt with just a little bit of blue on it, white pants and a white sweater, she was very upset that she "didn't have enough blue" and changed into a pair of blue shorts. I know she doesn't really understand why she's doing it. She's going along with the crowd. Hammy understands it more, but he too probably has more of a group mentality. I don't have a problem with that.

I've been in a discussion about whether or not to fly the flag or do other gestures. Some people feel the need to line their whole yard in flags while others don't feel comfortable doing any sort of outward gesture. I think either response is fine. I don't believe we should judge one another's grief or patriotism. Freedom includes everyone, whether we agree with them or not.

I haven't been flying a flag. I don't own a flag. I haven't felt the need to go out and buy one either. I know I'd fly it if I had it, but I don't. Rather than go out and buy one, I'm giving what money I can to the disaster relief funds. For me, that's a better way to cope with my grief.

That doesn't mean I'm doing no outward gestures of support though. I have been burning a candle in our front window each night since the disaster happened. For some, that might be the equivalent of crying in public. It's not for everyone. I do it because I feel so helpless, and I want to do something, anything. It's not actively helping those people that died or their families, but I do think it supports people that are grieving. It's a show of camaraderie. I'm not uncomfortable telling people in this way that I feel sad too, and we can all lean on one another.

I have been thinking and rethinking how in the world I can help in a more active way. I cannot tell you the number of times I have wanted to jump in my car, drive to NY and start searching through the rubble. It's unrealistic and a total disregard to my family who needs me here, but I feel that unyielding need to help in some way. Going on with my life as usual just doesn't seem like enough. Giving money to the relief effort doesn't seem like enough. Sharing opinions and writing about it doesn't seem like enough.

I offered my home to people stranded in Pittsburgh from flights being grounded. I wanted to give blood, but with this cold, I can't do that right now. I will do it later, and I will make it a regular part of my life from now on. Blood isn't just needed during disasters, but it took a disaster to make me take action. That's sad, and I don't want to be caught again knowing I could have done something instead of having already done something. I am probably going to volunteer at our local Red Cross, because there is a need for help all the time. I can help. It just might not be something directly associated with this tragedy.

For now, I will continue to burn a candle in my window. I will still get teary-eyed when I see flags flying. I will encourage people to keep an open mind about their fellow Americans. I will let my children wear the colors of their country. That's what I can do. And even if it doesn't help anyone else, it's helping me cope.