Nearing the End

Today John told me he couldn�t wait until I get back home. He said he�s lonely. That is exactly what I needed this whole time. Took him long enough! I feel much better now.

Did I say I am PMS-ing? That might explain a lot.

I spent a lovely day at my grandma�s this afternoon. She told some stories about growing up, which I always thoroughly enjoy. She also showed me a picture her younger sister snapped of her that was quite hilarious. My great aunt is always good for getting people at their worst with her camera. She has such a great sense of humor.

It was another beautiful day outside too, though the flies wouldn�t leave us alone while we were outside. We spent most of the time in the house, but it was time with Grandma, so it was good. Booie behaved herself very well and got to see all the cats (there are four) that wouldn�t show a hair on their hide when we were there on the fourth while all of my brother�s family was there too. She also took a little nap while lying on me, which I love. It was such a good afternoon that I skipped working out to stay longer. We topped it off by eating ice cream and cookies before I left. I will see Grandma again tomorrow, but spending time at her house is still the best.

I will get to see Hammy again tomorrow as well. I asked if he could spend a few hours with us while everyone is here, and Ex and family didn�t mind. Booie was heartbroken her brother was leaving today nonetheless, which kept me busy enough at his departure not to cry myself. I probably wouldn�t have done so anyway as I�ll get to see him tomorrow. I�m particularly glad I do get to see him, since he didn�t even say goodbye to me today. Little punk. I will miss him.

The good news about his whole situation is he won�t be returning to Nebraska after he comes home with my parents. That�s because he won�t be coming home with my parents but with Ex and family, who decided they would come out and visit for a week. It will be nice for Hammy to have them see his home, and it will be nice for me not to miss him even more. I think it works out a lot better, because I�m selfish.

It seems my children are both being assimilated into that family now. Booie said they told her she was part of their family now too. Booie doesn�t entirely understand how Hammy can have two moms and two dads, and I think it bothered her quite a bit that he had them, and she didn�t. It was nice for her to be able to go over there and be a part of the group. They even had a little birthday celebration for her, complete with little gifts and a blanket made by Mrs. Ex. It�s a little awkward for me, but I think it�s good for Booie and probably good for Hammy as well. As long as it�s healthy for the kids, I�m happy, even if I don�t know how I feel about it myself.

It will be good to get back to a somewhat normal life after all this excitement and activity. As comfortable as I am here in Nebraska, it�s not home anymore. I�m still living out of a suitcase and don�t have the complete ease of being in my own house. I couldn�t walk around naked on this National Nude Day if I felt so inclined (I didn�t) or swear at will or steal a meatball out of the skillet, all things I might do at home without batting an eyelash (except that naked part). As familiar as I am with this place, I feel more like a visitor each time I come back. The pangs haven�t gone away. I still romanticize this place, but I can keep it in perspective. And I do want to go home where I live now.

I am not looking forward to the drive. I am going to attempt to complete the whole thing in one day, but I�m not holding myself to it. Even if I get up and leave by 6 a.m., I would still get home at midnight at the earliest, after the hour is lost going from the central to eastern time zones. Yuck. That�s a lot of driving for one person to do with an almost six-year-old in the back seat. It will all depend on how much sleep I get, if this kink in my neck goes away and how much I don�t want to spend the money on a hotel. Whether I do it in one or two days though, it�s still not fun. I�m going to be a worn-out zombie woman on Tuesday no matter what I do. We�re supposed to go to counseling that evening, so hopefully I can muster some humanity by that time.

But before all that, I have to get through a day full of family and friends where I will probably be completely overwhelmed and tense. And then I will have to pack. I�m also supposed to work out, and since I skipped it today, I better do it. I might need it after all that socialization and saying goodbye to Hammy for two weeks. I might need a drink before the day is through. I better get some sleep now to better equip myself.