On Friday, I finally got the call from HR at the hospital where I'll be working. It was a huge relief and stressor at the same time. I've had a love-hate relationship with my time at home again during the past couple months. I'm ready to go back to work, yet I'm not. It really is for the best, and it helps me stay out of the deep, dark funk. It's just the stupid things I dread, like getting up before the sun, driving in each day, working an extra day a week, finding my way around, and parking.

I had my employee physical today and filled out all the goofy paperwork that needed done. The last job I had required a criminal background check, physical (done by our own doctor), 2-step TB test, a child abuse history check, and CPR certification. John laughed when he found out I didn't need a drug test. He sits behind a desk all day, and he needed a drug test. I was working with patients and didn't need one. So we joked that as long as I didn't beat kids, rob banks, or have the clap, I could work there. For this place, I had to have a physical done by their doctor, blood drawn to check for disease immunities, color blindness test, alcohol breathalizer, urine test for drugs, criminal background check, a copy of my high school diploma, and a breathing fitness test. I knew about most of it but the breathing test.

That was something else. First I had to strap this mask on my face just so, so there was no air leakage out the sides. It was not only a test but a fitting to make sure I have the right mask if I need to wear one of those at work to avoid getting TB, which sounds scary as hell, but I doubt it will be something we actually end up having to use. After about five minutes of mask-fitting, I spent the next twenty minutes breathing. Breathe normally, breathe deeply, breathe while turning your head, breathe while looking up and down, breathe while reading this, breathe, breathe, breathe. Besides getting a little light-headed from breathing too deeply for too long, I did fine. As usual, my test results belie my appearance. I'm healthy as hell despite being fat.

As long as everything else comes out OK, and John didn't inject me with heroine in my sleep last night to sabotage my working, I'll go to orientation next Monday at 7-freaking-45 AM, and go to work the next day.

It's that next day stuff I'm regretting. My boss needs someone both Tuesday and Thursday when she goes offsite, and I agreed to help on Tuesdays. Now I wish I hadn't. I already said no to Thursdays, because it takes me an hour to get to that location when it's not rush hour, so there is no way I'm going to spend a minimum of an hour and half to get to work anywhere. I don't care that there are people that commute three and four hours one way. I'm not them, and an hour is my limit. But Tuesday is within that hour, and I felt guilty that she really needed someone and couldn't get the hospital to let her hire someone for just one day, so I caved. After doing so, I realized I have shloads of stuff to do on Tuesday from kid activities to counseling, and the kids' dentist only has hours on Monday and Tuesday, so I'll have to take time off for that now. Why-oh-why didn't I tell her, "I'll think about it." But had I told her know, I probably would have regretted that and felt guilty about it. So it was a lose-lose situation. I'm hoping I can talk to my boss some more and get the hours shortened on the days I need it, so maybe all will be well.

I will be making much more money, especially with an extra day. I'm getting a $1.50/hour raise. Woo! That will help make up for this unexpected extra time off. I'll be able to make my car payment again!

I thought I might not have a job again until October, but my boss nagged HR to death and pushed it through, so life will be better again. And tomorrow is my individual counseling appointment, so it might get even better yet. Send me messages of support, so I have the nerve to tell her how totally crapalicious I've been feeling. Even getting two new pair of shoes this weekend didn't make me feel that much better. That totally sucks! So things are shaping up again, and maybe I will too.

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