I was making the bed, wondering if he hid a rose card today, or if it was over. And if he did have one, where was it? How many are there? As much as I want to ask, I know he won't tell me. Plus, even to ask kind of sucks some of the fun out of it. It helps that he's not hanging it over my head and just doing it. In the past, he loves to tell me he has a surprise and torment me with it. I've told him I like surprises when they are a surprise, not something, a tool, to drive me crazy. So since he's doing this exactly like I asked, I'm going to enjoy it.

11:53 p.m. - The Daily Struggle

I force myself to do things most of the time these past few days. The only thing that keeps me doing this stuff is the daily list. Compared to what some people do, my little list is like breathing, things they do as routine without though... automatic. I have to list brushing my teeth. And if it weren't for that list, I would have forgotten to do it tonight.

Things like that, I forget. Things like laundry, I avoid. I did it today. Barely. Same with decluttering. Booie's room I succeeded in avoiding. I want it done. I enjoy it when it is done. I don't even mind actually doing it once I get rolling. It's starting I hate. It always takes me a bit to get any system going. And getting past the guilt and self-criticism is a bit of a hurdle too. That's probably why, once I get into it, I go for so long and try to do too much. It's such a job in and of itself to start.

I hope tomorrow will be better. Easier. I have a desperation to help move me, because I'm planning on letting Booie have her friend sleep over, since it didn't work out last week. I'm not even sure it will work out this week, but I'm thinking the possibility is enough to move me.

Oh my God. Girl Scout cookie pick-ups are tomorrow. I guess I will definitely be doing some cleaning. That's not a maybe-someone-is-coming-over. They will be. Ugh. Why did I volunteer for this again? I am so not smart.

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One Year Ago Today: