Finalizing Plans With Dread

Even though I have been rather homesick lately, I am not looking forward to this year's trip to Nebraska. In fact, if I didn't absolutely have to go to take my son to see his father, I wouldn't. I don't want to make the drive. I don't want to deal with making sure I spend enough time with everyone. I don't want to leave home. I have lots of things I want to do right here, and being away for a week and a half during the too-short summer is not something to which I look forward. Sure, I want to see people back there, but I don't want all the hassles that go with it. Next year, I'm not making any promises to visit.

Maybe I'm just feeling crabby. It's been known to happen. Or maybe it's that I'm tired of feeling like each person there seems to think I'm coming to visit just her (and a couple hims). I get stuck having to spread myself out just right so that no one feels slighted, which makes the time not that much fun for me. It's like walking a damn tightrope. It's certainly not a vacation at all. It's stressful and frustrating. Sometimes it's really hard to be loved.

Since I don't have enough heaping trouble on my plate about this whole thing, I'm thinking about taking the dog with me as well. John and I both feel guilty leaving her at home where she will be cooped up all day while John goes to work. It's better than the kennel, but still. Anyway, it would be kind of fun to have her along on the trip. It forces me to stay in a hotel both on the way there and on the way back. I usually drive straight through on the way back, but I don't think the dog would do very well up to 19 hours in a car. She does love car rides. It's her very favorite thing to do, but that is pushing it. I also have to worry about where to put her when we get there. My mom has two cats (well, actually my sister has two cats), and they have no contact with dogs. I don't even know that my mom would allow a dog in the house. There is a huge, fenced back yard, but that doesn't solve the problem of where to keep her when she's not outside. Kay volunteered to keep the dog at her house, which isn't such a bad idea, unless Kaya and her dog don't get along. They are both female, and though both are fixed, Baily is a very dominant dog, and I don't know how Kaya would handle that. She generally gets along with every dog she meets, once she gets to know them, but it would be my luck that those two would hate each other. And I have visions of Kaya pooping in Kay's house too, just because I always think of the worst possible thing that could happen. Despite all this, I'm still leaning toward taking the dog. She might very well be my saving grace. I can use her as an excuse to do or not do things. Kind of like having a baby.

I worried about time-sharing myself last year too, and it all worked out OK, but I spent more time there last year than I plan to do this year. I only want to stay a week rather than two, and that means there is less time to divvy up. I am starting to steel myself for this visit now, so I have the spinal fortitude to keep everyone in line.

This might very well cure any homesickness I was having. At least that's good.