Busying Myself to Thinness

It's time to admit that I really like Dr. Phil on Oprah. I don't even mind Oprah so much either, but I don't usually watch the show unless I'm sick, or if I remember Dr. Phil is on. I don't make it a point to always watch it even when he is on though. I wish I would have done so last week though. He was talking about being fat, and it was a two part show. I caught this week but not last week. I think the first week would have helped a lot, considering this week was like a big boot to the head for me.

Part of the reason I really like Dr. Phil is probably the same reason that other people like him--he doesn't coddle anyone. I am so tired of all the accepting, feel-good, mushy, excuse-making, huggy, parent-blaming, victim--playing bullshit that passes for psychology and therapy. People are already soft enough. Everyone whines and cries and blames everybody in the world for everything that happens to them except for the person steering the boat. I think that's part of the reason lawsuits are so rampant too, but that's a tangent for another time. It's nice to see a guy stand up and point the finger exactly where it belongs.

I've known for a very long time why I'm fat. I don't have a lot of the reasons, some of them very good ones, that other people have. I wasn't molested as a child. I had a pretty good childhood, really. I've had some emotional stress and difficult times in my life, but I don't think it's any worse than a lot of people face. The only place where I can really point is my college years and first marriage, but I stayed quite thin through most of that. I didn't gain weight and keep it on until my current marriage, and though I can easily correlate the most recent weight gain with John joining the band, I can't say that's what made me fat.

I made me fat. Nobody shoveled food into my mouth or tied me to a bed, so I couldn't get any exercise. Nobody forced me to live in a house with the cupboards stocked in only Ho-Hos. I wasn't injected with fat cells. I don't have a thyroid problem or any other medical condition that makes me fat. Though my mom is fat and has been almost my entire life, I don't think genetics make me fat either, which is the single most used excuse in the book for fat people and angers me to no end, because it cements a person into being a victim and not taking responsibility. I take that responsibility. I am fat because I eat too much, and because I am not active enough. It's that simple. For at least 90% of people in the world, it's that simple.

Though I've known I am responsible for my fatness for a very long time, I still haven't changed. Getting out of the blame game doesn't remove why I eat and don't do enough. From what I saw, the why of my state of fatness is the part of the show I missed last week, but Kay taped it and is saving it for me to see when I go back to Nebraska. Until then, I just have to go on what she told me. I will do some thinking and some journaling (resurrect my neglected fitness diary). I know most of the reasons for my state of fatness though, so though important, I don't think that step in the process will help me as much as the next.