This and the next few entries are transposed from my paper journal I've been keeping while at the hospital. They were written as things happened. It's been a bumpy ride. If I only knew then what I know now.

An Artist's Inspiration

She's sleeping with her little IV-taped arm around the stuffed kitty she got from her great grandma and great aunt. It's so sweet with a reminder why she got the kitty in the first place.

I have a rotten headache, reminding me how little sleep I've had the past week and a half. My head feels heavy as does my thinking. I worry there's a cold lurking in me, even though I've washed my hands a million times every day. All the worry and sadness and lack of sleep has surely brought my immunity down.

Signs of normalcy are becoming more and more common in my Booie now that she's had several doses of IV steriods. Only four more days to go if no other problems crop up.

I feel like something is still out there to push us back again. It seems like every time things look good, we get more bad news. Normal life seems so very far away now, and I fear even being happy about any positive signs that I might be slapped with another negative.

It's hard not to be happy though, seeing my little girl play and giggle and move around and boogie. She tried to stand a few times. It was such a joy to have her look so good.

That's why it was especially hard when she started having pain again in her wrist and knees. When I felt her wrist, it was warm. A subsequent temperature check revealed a low-grade fever of 100.7. I also found some reddish, rashy marks on her palms and feet. That brought to mind something I'd read while at home, but I cound't remember anything about it. The doctor looked, brought in her senior who also looked, and both said to keep an eye on her but weren't too concerned. I was put more at ease when John found the information I'd read saying this was a sign of meningitis. I'll still be a little uneasy until I see her better again. Hopefully tomorrow will be more good news.